Within the Light of the Leaves
by ImmemorialMemory
Summary: Uchiha Hikaru is Madara and Izuna's beloved younger sister. Hashirama couldn't pick a worse person to fall in love with. He was utterly doomed. (fem!Harry/Hashirama. Third in my Reincarnation Series.)
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: *stares at fic* It got… really long. I've made a monster…**

 **Length aside, I had a lot of fun writing this because despite the slight angst, it's utter crack. Really. I mean it. Don't take this seriously. This is pure indulgent love after reading so many warring clan fics. This is already complete and I'm just dividing it into chapters.**

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter or Naruto. They are owned by J.K. Rowling and Masashi Kishimoto respectively.

 **Pairings:** Hashirama/Hikaru (fem!Harry), slight Mada/Tobi, slight Touka/Izuna

Ages at the start of the fic:

Hashirama, Madara, Mito- 27

Izuna, Tobirama, Touka- 25

Hikaru- 21

* * *

 **…**

Hashirama walks face-first into a wall at the sight of Uchiha Hikaru.

He flushes, stands upright, and pretends to be very interested in the wall he just smacked his head on while the rest of the people around him mimes not seeing the prestigious Senju clan head flail in public.

Mito laughs, being the cold unforgiving woman she was, and slinks to a flushing Hashirama's side with a huge grin on her face.

"Lovely, isn't she?" she drawls, and there was a catlike aura of satisfaction on her face that Hashirama struggled not to give her _more ammunition damn it_. Touka already gave her his baby pictures as blackmail, what more does the redheaded harpy want?

"Yes," he blurts out in defeat.

Mito smirks. Hashirama mourns the fact that he was such a pushover when it came to the women in his life.

"You know that attitude of yours is half the reason why I'd never marry you." He mutters, glaring at her.

"Oh yes, and the other half is that you're completely gone for Madara's little sister. Face it. You're dead, Senju." Mito said with a little cackle in the end and Hashirama wishes that glass would break on cue at the sound.

Instead, he ignores her and stares at the being that caught his attention, eyes soft and wistful.

* * *

 **…**

The Uchiha clan's best kept secret was not the inner workings of the Sharingan nor the stone tablet hidden beneath the clan grounds.

It was the existence of one Uchiha Hikaru that the world had absolutely no knowledge about. Even most of her clansmen had no idea that she existed until she appeared on the battlefield.

Hikaru was the results of a one-night tryst, her parents brought together by grief and misery. Uchiha Tajima recently lost his wife and unborn child and Uzumaki Haruka had just received word that her husband died in a skirmish against a clan from Kiri.

The young Uzumaki woman took solace in the same tavern where the Uchiha clan head was stopping for the night. They ended up together after one too many drinks. It was meant to be a fleeting thing, never to be repeated, but that single night had brought forth a bastard child.

Tajima did not learn of his daughter's existence until Haruka died when the girl was three. He demanded his child from the Uzumaki clan head, who was also Haruka's older brother. The clan head acquiesced upon young Hikaru's own request to meet her father.

Tajima was a distant figure to Hikaru, especially when it was clear that she did not possess the Sharingan. The girl was obviously his child, having the pale skin and hair of an Uchiha and the features of Tajima's mother, but the Uchiha clan head saw no use in his youngest child.

She was a daughter and was of no use in the battlefield. She was good for a betrothal but nothing more than that.

His sons thought otherwise.

Madara and Izuna loved their little sister fiercely and after losing three siblings, they were not taking any chances with Hikaru, who was a girl on top of being their youngest.

They coddled her, forbidding her from leaving the compound despite her protests. To them, Hikaru fighting was not an option, and there was no need for her to dirty her fingers when Madara and Izuna was all too willing to do it for her. And so they kept her behind closed doors even when their father died, trying to keep Hikaru entertained with gardening or reading books sent by the Uzumaki clan.

(They didn't know that Hikaru was fighting as well. The reincarnated witch disliked senseless killing, but she could _protect._

She put the Uchiha compound under a modified Fidelius charm, preventing anyone who meant ill will to find the place.

She learned healing and augmented it with her magic. She combined runes with _fuuijutsu,_ keeping the clan safe while her brothers went out to battle.

She would find stray children around forests and lead them back to their clan. Hikaru didn't care if they were Uchiha, Senju, Hyuuga, or from any other clan. They were _children,_ and they did not understand true war.

She gave Madara and Izuna little trinkets that her brothers indulgently carried around with them, a tiny _gunbai_ for Madara and a _kodachi_ for Izuna. Only Hikaru knew that the trinkets carried a protective rune and served as portkeys, alerting her of her brothers' wellbeing.)

It all came into a head when Tobirama fatally injured Izuna in battle, slicing through his abdomen with a wound that no medic could possibly heal. Madara had rushed to his injured brother in terror, yelling at Izuna to hold on while trying to stave the bleeding with trembling hands.

It was inevitable— it was clear to all that Izuna was slowly dying from the wound. But then a flash of bright light erupted from the tiny _kodachi_ necklace Izuna was wearing and a lithe figure appeared beside the Uchiha brothers.

Before anyone could react, golden chakra was pouring out of the stranger, directing it at the injured Uchiha's wound. Everyone watched in shock as the fatal stab slowly closed and Izuna's pallor returned to normal in a few seconds.

After a quiet stillness, the golden chakra dissipated. Madara's relieved expression transformed into a frightening snarl of rage as he pinned furious eyes at Tobirama. The Senju tensed, only for the black-haired girl to grab Madara's hand, the one reaching for his blade.

"Enough, nii-san." she said softly. "Please. For Izuna-nii."

Those words were enough for Madara to hesitate and loosen the grip he had on his weapon. Then the Uchiha head sighed, closed his eyes, and turned his back on Tobirama, prompting everyone, Uchiha and Senju alike, to slowly drop their stances and weapons.

Everyone was tired.

They wanted peace.

A month later, a Senju envoy came to the Uchiha compound bearing a message of truce.

* * *

 **…**

"Congratulations on the creation of the village, nii-san. Hashirama-san." Uchiha Hikaru said, smiling at the two clan heads. Then her eyes turned playful. "I hope this means you get to let me out more."

Madara laughed and ruffled his sister's hair, not noticing the way his best friend was staring at Hikaru helplessly.

Hashirama couldn't help it. The youngest Uchiha was entrancing.

Hikaru was, in Mito's words, _lovely._ Stunning, beautiful perfection. The Uchiha clan was known to have good-looking people in their family, but there was something about Hikaru that made her stand out amongst her clansmen.

Hikaru was small and lithe and had the smallest dimples whenever she smiled. Soft black curls spilled on her shoulders like a messy waterfall and her skin was the palest snow. But what Hashirama was truly lost in was Hikaru's lush green eyes, the color of the brightest leaves in spring, reminding Hashirama of the colors of his beloved Konoha.

Hashirama knew he was spewing out the words of a besotted idiot but it was an apt description for him right now.

"Maybe it'll go away," he moaned at Touka one evening. "It's just attraction, right? It's just temporary, right?"

"If you say so, clan head-sama." Touka rolled her eyes as she sharpened her kunai. "Why don't you test that theory? Sleep with the baby Uchiha-hime and maybe it'll go away."

Hashirama reddened and his faced morphed into a scandalized expression, like Touka had just volunteered to cut all the trees in the world with a blunt machete.

"Impossible! I won't do that! Hikaru's innocent! Too young! I'll break her heart!" Hashirama sputtered. "And Madara would kill me!"

"I find it interesting that you care more for the baby Uchiha's feelings than the fact that Madara would literally gut you if you went near her with impure intentions." Touka drawled.

"Well, I don't want her upset!" Hashirama slumped, eyes turning miserable. "I'd rather have Madara angry at me than make Hikaru sad."

Touka stared at her cousin blankly.

Holy shit.

This wasn't just some stupid urge of Hashirama's. This was real.

And Hashirama hadn't even properly _met_ the baby Uchiha-hime yet.

Touka snorted. Figures. Her wishy-washy cousin seemed like the type to fall in love at first sight.

Then she smirked. She wondered what Mito and Tobirama thought about this.

* * *

 **…**

The Uchiha clan members stared at the beaming, little green-eyed one. Behind Hikaru, Madara and Izuna loomed at the all menacingly. They blanched.

"So… um, Hikaru… hime?" One of the elders squeaked, flinching when Madara's eyes narrowed at him. "You… uh, want the new Uchiha compound built in the heart of the village?"

"Yes," Hikaru said cheerfully. "I heard some of you saying that you want to build it in the west, but that would isolate us from the village, ne? That just wouldn't do."

"But Hikaru-sama!" Another man stuttered. "We'd be lowering ourselves with the other clans! The Uchiha are the founding clan of the village and people ought to remember that!"

"And people _will_ remember that because we'll be _there_ to remind them. We're not lowering ourselves, we're showing the people that we're approachable and likeable despite being nobility." Hikaru said with a sweet smile. Pander to their ego and slowly steer them to the direction you want without being blatantly obvious. Hikaru learned how to spin aristocracy around after a lifetime with purebloods.

"But what about the Senju? _They_ built their compound to the east, far from the village proper!"

"That's because the forest is there," Hikaru said. "Hashirama-sama is fond of nature, so building the Senju compound is out of personal preference. But we don't have any other reason to build our compound in the west other than wanting to look superior. We already _are,_ so why does anybody need more reminding of that?"

Mumbles around the room. In the end, they decided to build the Uchiha compound near the village, because Hikaru-sama _did_ have a point, didn't she?

Plus, Madara-sama and Izuna-sama looked inches away from brandishing their weapons at their heads.

They wanted their bodies intact, thank you very much.

* * *

 **…**

The margin of vote was very close but in the end, Senju Hashirama was appointed as the _Shodaime_ Hokage of Konohagakure.

Madara was inwardly sulking at that. But then again he didn't feel too bad; the numbers were almost neck to neck. He was satisfied that he was just a few votes away from Hashirama and would've had a good chance of winning the title of Hokage. It was just a few tens of votes that made the difference.

And besides, Hikaru pointed out that he wouldn't want to be stuck in a day job behind a desk sorting out paperwork anyway.

"You could hardly sit still in a meeting with the elders, nii-san." Hikaru laughed. "You mostly glare them into submission. Imagine going through that your whole life. Plus, the agony of paperwork, can you imagine?"

Madara soured at the thought, then shrugged. It was true; part of him wanted to be Hokage just to one-up his rivalry with Hashirama. But in the end, the cons outweighs the pros.

As such, Madara was petty enough to taunt the new Hokage with the facts Hikaru pointed out to him.

* * *

 ** …**

"You need an assistant, Hokage-sama." Yamanaka Inoshi said firmly at the start of the clan council.

Hashirama stared at the Yamanaka head uncomprehendingly. His inability to process Inoshi's words could be because of drop-dead exhaustion, he wasn't sure. He had been busy balancing construction contracts and village accounting forms all night…

Wait, what day was it again? And why were there three Yamanaka heads in his vision?

Beside him, Madara snorted. He really ducked a kunai there when he didn't get the Hokage title.

"An assistant is a good idea," Nara Shikaro drawled. "Just in case you are unavailable or incapacitated, having an assistant to deal with the inner governance of the village would help."

"Wouldn't that be the job of the village council?" Hyuuga Hiroki pointed out.

"They would still need to take orders from someone who knows the job intimately. Take it as a second-in-command title, one that would keep the village running. If the Hokage is down, his right-hand should temporarily lead the administration." Shikaro said. Then he eyed Madara pointedly.

The Uchiha clan head blinked. Then blinked again.

Then he got it.

"I would like to decline," Madara said politely, even though he wanted to shout, ' _fucking hell no!_ '. "I'm afraid that Hashirama and I just might have several conflicts of interest if I am appointed as an… _assistant_."

Actually, he just didn't want to take Hashirama's brunt of the job. Knowing the idiot, he would foist his paperwork on him on the grounds that they were _best friends._

Ugh.

Madara didn't get the Hokage title and since he couldn't lord it around, he _refused_ to directly work under the dunderhead that actually got the job.

"Sounds reasonable." The Nara head nodded lazily, although there was a flash of knowing amusement in his eyes. "But in my opinion, it should be an Uchiha. You _are_ half of the village founders, after all."

Madara blinked at the Nara head slowly. Huh. That was the first time he heard someone outside of his clan acknowledge the fact.

It felt nice.

"Well… Izuna is out." Madara said, feeling out of sorts at the Nara's words. "Izuna would turn the Hokage office upside down if we appoint him. And burn the place while he's at it. He has a thing against… work in general."

And it couldn't be any of the old dodders hobbling around the Uchiha estate. They were still glorifying the warring times and would rather gut a Senju than work alongside one.

Madara was just wishing they'd drop dead soon.

"How about your sister, Hikaru-hime?" Inoshi queried.

Both Madara and Hashirama perked up at the name, although for different reasons.

"Hikaru? Well…" Madara flashed back to one night ago when Hikaru threatened to leave the village and wander by herself if he and Izuna didn't stop their hovering. He winced. "Hikaru would be… open to the idea."

Hopefully this would stop his sister from getting too adventurous.

"But she's a woman-" One of the clan heads began to say.

"And?" Mito rose a brow from her position as the Uzumaki representative, a sharp grin etched on her face. "What was that about being a woman?"

The man quailed immediately.

The clan heads agreed to appoint Uchiha Hikaru as the Hokage's administrative assistant if she was amenable, and they dispersed soon after.

"She'd be happy about this," Madara muttered, thinking of the smile that would undoubtedly grace his baby sister's cute face when she got the news. He got up from his seat and spared a glance at his blank-looking Hokage. "Oi, treehead. You're turning red, why is that? You sick or something?"

Hashirama startled violently, yelping and sending paper flying all over the place. Madara deadpanned at his flailing and wondered how on earth did this guy got to be in charge of _anything,_ let alone a whole village.

* * *

 **…**

The Uchiha clan was befuddled.

Ever since they built their compound inside the village proper, people were being _nice_ to them. Not that they weren't civil before, but civilians usually skittered away or stared in awe when they passed by. Now though, people would greet them in the streets, ask for their names or just call out a hello that they couldn't help but return back.

A few of them even got invited to drink or play cards!

They were confused at the cheerful pushiness of the villagers, although they didn't react negatively. They already got a lot of practice from Hikaru-hime, who was happiness and bubbliness rolled into one, and who would prod and pout and sulk if they ignored her.

And _kami_ forbid if she was giving you the sad eyes the same moment Madara-sama or Izuna-sama passed by. No one wanted a Susanoo after their ass.

And so since they were desensitized with this level of friendliness, they just rolled with it, accepting offers for drinks or night-outs from the villagers and other clans. They then invited their new friends to visit the Uchiha compound despite the elders' mutterings.

It would be rude not to invite the villagers when they were being friendly, right?

And slowly, the Uchiha clan was integrated into Konoha, one invitation at a time.

* * *

 **…**

"I will be your assistant from now on. I look forward to working with you, Hashirama-sama." Hikaru said politely, bowing at the Hokage.

Hashirama floundered, speechless, then looked up at the other clan heads helplessly.

They were smirking. Akimichi Choudai gave him a thumbs up. Inuzuka Mori waggled his brows. Baring Madara, who just looked expectant, the others clan heads looked plain amused.

Hashirama paled. Fucking traitors! _How did they know?!_

(Little did he know that they had pried out all his hopeless poetics about Hikaru that one time they dragged him to a bar and got him completely smashed.)

"Just… just call me Hashirama, Hikaru-hime." The Senju head stammered, turning to the object of his affections and trying his best not to meet Madara's eyes. His best friend could smell fear and if he ever realized what Hashirama really wanted to do to his little sister…

He swallowed.

"Alright. Then just call me Hikaru." she smiled and it was so bright and sweet and Hashirama felt his heart thudding in his chest.

He was doomed.

* * *

 **…**

For some beautiful, exhilarating reason, they worked well.

Hashirama was breathing far easier with an assistant around and even more so since it was Hikaru who was giving him a hand.

The young Uchiha-hime was awfully intelligent and knew the ins and outs of the forming government. She was politically savvy and took care of the more mundane paperwork, passing on the more sensitive files to the Hokage and assigning other duties to people who could accomplish it without needing Hashirama's intervention. She had a serene disposition that was enough to calm any agitated shinobi knocking on the door and was firm and kind, never condescending, and Hashirama could only mourn as he fell even more infatuated over Madara's little sister.

Hikaru made sure he had sustenance when he forgot to eat, proper rest when he was tired, and she would sometimes drag the Hokage out from the office when he was getting too restless, offering a spar to unwind.

The first time Hikaru took Hashirama to the training grounds and told him to attack her, the Hokage stood for a full minute with a blank face.

"You're clearly strung high from being in the office for too long." Hikaru said, standing there all light and frail-looking. She looked amused, green eyes twinkling. "I won't snap, Hokage-sama."

And then she lunged, making Hashirama yelp in surprise. He barely had time to move out of the way, Hikaru moving faster than his eyes could see.

Hikaru may not have her clan's coveted Sharingan, but she made up for it with many things to stand beside her brothers. She had her seals; destructive, intricate seals that could blast a whole target to bits or electrocute a heart to make it stop beating. She had her speed and ingenuity, and a stubbornness that she fully inherited from her brothers.

And she had her magic.

Hikaru _apparated_ away from the blast of _Mokuton_ the Hokage sent her way, appearing right behind Hashirama to deliver a quick hit. The Senju paused in surprise at her sudden disappearance but felt Hikaru's presence behind him just as quickly, snagging the fist that was about to strike his neck and engaging the young Uchiha in a _taijutsu_ fight.

Hikaru was light years behind Hashirama at hand to hand combat, but she held her own for a few minutes, sending a quick stunner at him. Hashirama easily dodged the odd red light that came from Hikaru's hands before delivering a soft blow on her shoulders, strong enough to knock Hikaru a few feet away.

Just as he thought to end the spar, Hashirama's eyes widened when he felt a tugging in his gut and was sent flying through the air feet-first, a rush of vertigo spinning through his head. There was an odd pulse of chakra in his feet and Hashirama realized that it was a seal. Hikaru must have found time to slap it on his ankle while they were engaged in _taijutsu_.

"Truce?" Hikaru called, breathing heavily.

"Truce." Hashirama laughed out, feeling exhilarated. The seal on his feet dulled and he was dropped to the ground unceremoniously.

"Thank you for the spar, Hokage-sama." Hikaru grinned. "I hope you feel better after that."

Hashirama breathed in and nodded softly.

Hikaru was kind, strong, intelligent, and had the most brilliant green eyes he had ever seen.

Hashirama just fell harder in love that day. It wasn't just physical attraction anymore.

He was fucking _doomed_.

* * *

 **…**

It was a common thing to see the Hokage with his Uchiha assistant passing by the village.

The villagers were amused at their Hokage's not so very discreet mooning over young Hikaru-hime. And it was also clear to all that the young Uchiha princess was more than fond of the Senju clan head.

After all, even though Hikaru was kind to everyone, there was a sublime aura around her that prevented the villagers from breaking her walls completely. She would only be truly attentive and energetic around her brothers and Hashirama-sama, fussing and arguing with them with a bright sparkle in her eyes.

Soon, everyone and their grandmother knew that the Hokage was enamored with Hikaru-hime. Except of course, the three Uchiha siblings themselves.

And after seeing Madara-sama create a gigantic _Katon_ dragon after one amorous suitor thought to cop a feel against Hikaru-hime, it was probably for the best that they weren't clued in yet.

No one wanted the Uchiha and Senju breathing down each other's necks again. They just built the village, no need to burn it down so soon.

 **…**

* * *

 **A/N:** I've actually put this up as yaoi first, forgetting that my younger cousins and sister are reading my fics in this site (they found my username) with the expressive request from my aunts, uncles and parents to _not_ make it weird. Yaoi is fine for them but apparently, mpreg in the warnings is one of those weird things in life and now they're asking questions and discovering the dark side of the internet (they're so innocent (0_0) ). I've re-written this thing as penance. Don't know if I'm going to put the original back up. Probably not.

This is going to be a three-part fic. Again, it's already finished. I was just unsure about the length in one go. Tell me what you think.

 **Read and review.**

Memory out!


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Here you go, folks. Chapter two. Again, may I repeat that this is crack-ish and has a humor tag. Other than that, enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter or Naruto. They are owned by J.K. Rowling and Masashi Kishimoto respectively.

 **Pairings:** Hashirama/Hikaru (fem!Harry), slight Mada/Tobi, slight Touka/Izuna

* * *

 **...**

Tobirama wanted to hit Hashirama.

Now that wasn't really odd, considering he often felt the urge to strangle his older brother on a good day. But this was different.

His brother was _pining_.

Over an Uchiha.

Tobimara did not know what to feel about that.

On one hand, it was an Uchiha. Senju were genetically predisposed to hate that surname and were taught to attack them on command at birth. But on the other hand, they were at peace and there was no reason to have a grudge when both families agreed to bury the hatchet.

And besides, it wasn't just any Uchiha. It was Uchiha Hikaru.

The young woman was probably the antithesis of everything an Uchiha was supposed to be.

Sharingan-less eyes aside, she was lively and sociable, very much unlike her stoic and extremely formal clan. It was difficult to go against her, against a person who countered glares and insults with kind words and disarming smiles. She did had a spine of steel behind that silk though, and Tobirama could faintly admire how she manipulated her clan into accepting her decisions despite her bastard status.

She was also excessively cheerful, although thankfully not to the point of Hashirama's annoying obnoxiousness. Uchiha Hikaru's personality was comparable to a light breeze, peaceful in its stillness, and the way her lips curved and her eyes sparkled so knowingly made people feel at ease around her.

Maybe that was why Madara and Izuna were so besotted with their youngest sibling. They probably took one look at the baffling creature that was their sister and found her _not_ dreary, _not_ broody, _not_ angst-filled and had fallen in love with the little odd duck that waddled like a shining light in the cesspool of darkness that was the Uchiha clan.

Tobirama had seen some of his own clansmen give a double-take when they passed Uchiha Hikaru by the streets. The girl radiated sunshine and quiet peace, and children and puppies and other infantile creatures would approach her by droves.

Tobirama was also quite sure that Uchiha Hikaru was the sole reason behind the Uchiha clan warming up to the rest of the village, and vice versa. The green-eyed girl was a _nice_ Uchiha, and if there was a nice one, surely there were more inside that broody-looking clan?

And so the village poked and prodded. Like a badger pawing at a bee's hive looking for honey and ignoring the stinging bees, not knowing that the bees themselves were befuddled at the badger sniffing in their territory. And soon the bees got used to the badger and became friends with it and _what the hell was he thinking at two in the morning—_

"Fucking hell. I need sleep."

The next morning, the servants wondered why Tobirama-sama was up at five muttering something about bees and badgers.

* * *

 **...**

Over time, Tobirama stopped worrying over the fact that Hikaru was an Uchiha and started thinking about how he could ship his brother off to his self-proclaimed love of his life with a bow on his head because _kami_ , his brother could _whine._

* * *

 **...**

A flurry of red hair whipped inside the Hokage building. Before the other shinobi could stop the sudden intruder, Mito had already made her way to the assistant's desk.

Dark eyes gleamed cheerfully. "Hello, little cousin."

"Good morning, cousin Mito." Hikaru said, pausing from shelving documents to smile at the Uzumaki looking at her expectantly.

Mito cooed. Her baby cousin was such a cute one. She still remembered how adorable Hikaru was as a child.

When Aunt Haruka came back pregnant after a mission, everyone was shocked to learn that the baby she was carrying was only half-Uzumaki and was not her dead husband's child.

Mito was five years old back then and had been wanting a sibling for the longest time. A first cousin was the closest thing she could ever have and so she welcomed the black-haired baby with open arms. She'd loved Hikaru ever since she was a squalling newborn and she threw a fit when the three-year old girl was shipped to the Uchiha clan without any preamble.

Mito sent Hikaru letters and scrolls as they grew up, not letting distance drive them apart. Once or twice her cousin managed to sneak into Uzushio using that mysterious teleportation jutsu of hers. They would catch up and swap seals that they created, and most of the time Mito would learn about those strange, unknown symbols that her cousin used alongside _fuuijutsu_. Strange symbols that Hikaru called _runes._

They only worked for Mito half of the time, but it didn't stop her from being in awe of the things her cousin could create with seals. Things that almost seemed like magic.

It was truly a shame that Hikaru was puttering away with administrative work instead of using her full creativity.

"It's nice to see you again, Mito-nee. But why are you here?" Hikaru asked, distractedly making a note on her scroll.

' _Nine thirty a.m., an Uzumaki whirlwind arrived in the Hokage office—'_

"Oh, so I can't see my cousin anymore?" Mito said, patting her cheeks.

Hikaru snapped her planner shut, lips twitching in a smile. "We just saw each other last night, nee-chan. Remember? You drank Izuna-nii under the table. He was still swearing at you when I left him this morning."

Mito laughed. "Lightweight. Tell your brother he's just an ungraceful loser."

Hikaru's eyes glinted with humor as she hefted a pile of documents. "Madara-nii says you cheat. And that women are not supposed to drink that much _sake_. He says it's undignified. And that you're a bad influence."

"Tell your other brother that since he can't hold his liquor—and who conks out after a saucer of _sake_?—he is not allowed his own opinion."

"You can tell him yourself when he gets home. You can sleep over again tonight." Hikaru offered.

"I'll think about it." Mito said.

It was so strange how at ease Mito felt around the uptight Uchiha clan nowadays. Uzumaki were traditionally allied with the Senju, not the Uchiha. But the more she spent with Hikaru's other family, the more she realized that they weren't that bad at all. They just needed to pull the sticks out of their collective asses.

"Anyway, little cousin. I came here to fulfill the Uzumaki's part of the treaty." Mito said, taking a seat.

Hikaru brightened. "Oh. Now?"

"Mn." Mito smiled. "Seals around the village. We can start today."

It was the deal Uzushio has with Konoha. In return for their friendship and support, the island village decided to impart several sealing knowledge to Konoha as thanks.

"I still thinks it's a shame that you weren't married to Hashirama-san." Hikaru murmured, not meeting Mito's eyes as she busied himself with some papers. "I think you'd go rather well together."

Mito smirked, not missing the downturn of Hikaru's lips at the mention of her failed engagement. Uzushio had first offered her as a bride to Hashirama as a gesture of goodwill. Considering that Mito was the Uzukage's daughter, it was a very generous boon indeed. However, both parties declined; Mito because she refused to be tied down and Hashirama because he began to see her only as a friend after all the time their elders tried to force them together.

"We'd go as well as mochi and natto. Which translates to, ' _not very well_ '." Mito said, tugging one of Hikaru's messy strands playfully. "Hashirama and I are friends. And the bond between Uzu and Konoha is as strong as it can be."

She didn't mention that it was Hikaru's presence that made all the difference in the world. Hikaru was the child of the Uzukage's sister and the former Uchiha clan head and bastard though she may be, her birthright gave her incredible political clout, especially since both current Uchiha and Uzumaki clan heads accept her as kin.

Both clans manifest strongly in Hikaru. The Uchiha acknowledged Hikaru's Uzu roots and the Uzumaki respected that the Uchiha took good care of one who they consider their own despite being a half-blood. The gestures between the two clans did wonders to strengthen the ties between Konoha and Uzushio.

It was actually because of Hikaru that Mito and Hashirama were given a choice to back down from the engagement. Had there not been an undeniable proof that there was already a strong blood tie between Konoha and Uzushio, Mito and Hashirama may have been forced to be wed.

"And besides, I think Hashirama likes green eyes better." Mito said, smirking when Hikaru startled at her words. "Green eyes and black hair, preferably on a certain little Uchiha who's also his assistant. Do you know how many fantasies that Senju blockhead must have of you right now? I bet he has loads—"

"Mito-nee!" Hikaru sputtered in mortification, cheeks flaming as she grabbed her cousin's shoulder. "What are you saying about the Hokage? He's not—"

"Utterly, stupidly besotted? Oh yes, he is. And I bet if I walk in there and tell him to kiss you smack dab in public, I bet he will."

Hikaru looked like she was having a heart attack. Cheerfully, Mito ignored her and flounced to the Hokage's office.

"Hashirama! What do you say? Senju Hikaru has a nice ring to it, don't you think?"

Choking noises abounded from the Hokage's office.

* * *

 **...**

In the end, it was Mito's teasing that drove Hashirama to properly ask Hikaru out, and Mito watched with great smugness as Hikaru gently handled the beautiful bouquet of flowers that Hashirama sent after their first meeting out together.

"Lilies. Got your favorite flowers spot on already, hm?"

Hikaru flushed, although it didn't mar the pleasure on her face. "I didn't even tell him I like lilies."

"Lucky him, then." Mito said before smiling wickedly and dragging Hikaru away from the vase. "Now, tell me all about it. I distracted your brothers from looking for either of you while you were out, so I deserve all the details. So how was he? Was he a good kisser? Did he try to seduce you? I bet he got a grope in there somewhere—"

" _Mito-nee_!" Hikaru protested in surprise, although there was a beginning of a grin twisting on her mouth.

"Oh, don't be such a prude, Hikaru-chan. Tell Mito-nee _everything._ I got you together, after all! I bet he's actually wild in bed behind that goofy, no-good attitude of his—"

"We went on one date." Hikaru said, half-mortified, half-amused at how colorful her cousin's imagination ran. "One. He took me out on a walk and I kissed him goodbye and that was it—"

"Oho! So you kissed! Was there tongue involved—"

Hikaru couldn't help it. She laughed out loud.

* * *

 **...**

Hashirama and Hikaru went out several more times after that, using the guise of sealing the village borders to spend more time together. Touka and Mito were their gleeful accomplices, along with a fed-up Tobirama who watched with exasperation as the two danced and tip-toed around each other.

Soon, it became custom for them to sneak glances at each other with bright smiles and flushed faces. They basked in each other's presence, getting to know each other slowly, gradually. As time went on, it became custom for Hashirama to press kisses on Hikaru's forehead in greeting and Hikaru would smile and reach out to twine their hands together, content in spending time with him.

Hikaru knew that if her parents, if James and Lily and Haruka were still alive, they would approve of Hashirama.

He was unlike any other human Hikaru had met before. In a world of death and violence, Hashirama was almost too kind and had a slightly naïve outlook in life. He was always that one person who wanted to look at the brighter side of things.

But he was a leader and a dreamer, and he made people _listen._ His presence inspired faith and he worked painstakingly to achieve his dream of peace. Hashirama wanted to move this world into a new era, wanted to end the endless warring the clans have wrought. He was willing to shoulder the burden of being the first one to carry the village's responsibilities, and for that alone, Hashirama would have Hikaru's complete respect.

"I told Madara a long time ago, that I wanted a place where children can grow in peace." Hashirama said, stroking Hikaru's hand with his thumb as they strolled on the mountain above the village in the silence of dawn. "I wanted a place where people can thrive without fear and live without terror."

He raised his hand, and Hikaru's hand along with it, entwined as they were. He swept their hands to the image of the village before them, and Hikaru stared at Hashirama and smiled.

Hashirama flushed and Hikaru took a moment to quietly laugh at that. He had a weakness for her smiles, she knew. Hashirama pouted at the sound of her laughter and Hikaru pacified him with a kiss on his cheek.

Hashirama was as bright as he was in life as he was in love. He held none of his affection on hold and Hikaru was sometimes overwhelmed with the amount of adoration Hashirama seemed to have for her. He was generous with words, declaring his love for her as sweet and quiet and as often as he could. Hikaru tried to give as much as Hashirama gave, tried to be his silent strength and support in times when he needed someone.

Hashirama loved her, and it was a simple truth that made Hikaru's smile bloom every time she heard those words. Hikaru loved him too, and it was as exhilarating and magical as everything in her life was right now.

Yes, Hashirama was unlike anyone Hikaru had ever met.

* * *

 **...**

But bliss couldn't last forever.

"Excuse me? You want to _what_ , Hokage-sama?"

The clan heads all perked up at the voice of one Uchiha Hikaru, who was staring at the Hokage from her seat with such a sickly sweet smile on her face.

Everyone was alert at the sudden tension in the room.

Trouble in paradise?

It was well-known around the village that the Hokage and the little Uchiha-hime were now together. It wasn't that hard to deduce considering Hashirama's besotted smiles and Hikaru's bright eyes. Only Madara, Izuna, and some of the blinder Uchiha remained ignorant through the efforts of Mito and Touka.

Hashirama was surprised at the frigidly polite tone Hikaru was giving him. "We should divide the bijuu and distribute them amongst the villages as a sign of goodwill."

There were murmurs of assent in the council room. It was general knowledge that the Hashirama's Mokuton could subdue a _bijuu._ And Konoha had a fair good idea of every beast's location so there was merit in the thought. Some of them wanted to keep every tailed beast for the village, but other members shot down the idea with a retort of power-hoarding.

"—it would make the other villages resent us for having _all_ of the bijuu. I say we keep the strongest—"

Hikaru gritted her teeth at the sight of the council dividing the bijuu like they were _objects._ Even Hashirama looked unconcerned. For someone who was incredibly intelligent he could be astonishingly dense as well.

Hikaru now understood her eldest brother's permanent urge to maim the Hokage.

She sighed, closing her eyes. Well now. This won't do at all.

The next day, Uchiha Hikaru was declared missing. Hashirama threw all caution to the winds as Madara and Izuna headed the frantic search for her, following their sister's blatant trail of chakra a hundred miles south of Konoha. It led them to a large, musty cave draped with the most malevolent aura they have ever felt.

Everybody gaped in shock at the sight that met them inside.

The Kyuubi loomed over them, lying down on its haunches while his nine tails swished menacingly at their arrival. Its red eyes looked at them tauntingly as long, lupine ears perked up in glee.

" **Humans."** The Kyuubi rumbled, maw pulled back in a large grin as its dark orange fur bristled in anticipation.

Everyone tensed.

"Kurama." Hikaru said in faint admonishment. "Don't bait them please."

The missing Uchiha princess was seated between the Kyuubi's finger-like paws, nestled in its fur and lying down sedately. She had been reading a book when the contingent had arrived and had snapped it shut at the sight of her brothers.

"Hikaru!" Madara exclaimed, although he didn't dare fire a jutsu lest he harm his sister as well.

Hashirama breathed out a sigh of relief at the sight of Hikaru safe and sound, readying his _Mokuton_ to pin down the nine-tailed beast dangerously close to his lover.

Hikaru caught his gesture and sent him a glare so frigid that made Hashirama realize that he was currently in the dog house so to speak.

"After the council meeting yesterday, I decided to warn a good friend that he and his siblings are about to be hunted." Hikaru's words were light but biting, and it paralyzed every shinobi inside the cave. "They deserve a good head start at least, don't you think?"

"Hikaru…" It was Touka who spoke up, having wormed her way into the search. "What do you mean?"

Hikaru frowned and stared at them all. "You wanted to cage nine conscious entities. Nine beings capable of feeling and thought. And you were about to enslave and imprison them without any regard for their opinion or freedom."

Everyone's eyes flickered to the Kyuubi, who was staring at them smugly.

Hashirama dropped his arms curiously and Madara looked at his sister in defeat.

"Then what should we do?"

Hikaru smiled and glanced into demonic, red eyes. "We have an idea." She stroked the Kyuubi's fur almost absently, uncaring of the claws capable of tearing her head off.

Hashirama made a dying sound, face red.

To the side, Touka hid a grin. Looks like her cousin got off from the image of his beloved approaching a deadly chakra beast.

In the end, Konoha did track down every tailed beast. But this time, it was to tag them with a seal that allowed them to escape whenever they were in danger of being captured. A _portkey,_ Hikaru called it. The young Uchiha also modified the intricately complex seal to allow the _bijuu_ to shrink in size and transform into a human figure for at least a few hours a day.

The council conceded to Hikaru's idea reluctantly. It was a high risk to have a bijuu inside the village anyway, and they were superstitious enough to believe that the Kyuubi's resentment and malevolence would bring ill luck. So as long as none of the villages had any chance of gaining the bijuu, then they were fine with letting them go.

The bijuu were thankful for the seal as it allowed them to roam around the continent unhindered. They were mostly peaceable and wanted to be left alone, it was just that their gigantic sizes made it impossible to walk around without a hoard of shinobi dogging their paths. But now, no stupid village can cage them. And so as long as they didn't terrorize a settlement, Hikaru would allow them the use of her seals.

The grateful bijuu often stopped by in Konoha in secret, bringing an amused Hikaru little trinkets from their journey. The green-eyed Uchiha accepted them all—Snow Country _sake_ from a grumpy Shukaku, sea glass jewelry from a shy Isobu, a wind flute from a cheerful Choumei. Hikaru loved them all, and she indulged in listening to the bijuu about how nice it was to walk around without people screaming at their faces for once.

Hikaru was happy for them. They deserved to be free. Flashes of a small, wrinkled, eager elf assaulted her memories, and she was glad that the bijuu were a million times more resilient and powerful than a lowly house elf even though they were as prone to subjugation as Dobby was.

"I met Kurama first." Hikaru told Hashirama and her brothers when her anger had simmered down. "I was fourteen and father just died. You were leaving me alone more often. I don't blame you," she said when her brothers looked upset. "You just took up leadership, Madara-nii. It was a difficult time for everyone. But I felt stifled inside the compound. So I decided to leave and explore on my own. I ran into Kurama inside the same cave you found us in. He was extremely hostile but I wore him down."

"You weren't scared?" Izuna said, imagining a fourteen-year old Hikaru facing off against the Kyuubi. He shuddered.

"Scared? I was damn terrified," Hikaru laughed. "Ran straight out of the cave like the hounds of hell were chasing after me. But I kept returning because I was curious."

"Because you were curious." Madara said flatly. See, this was why they never let her out of the compound before. She got into the most ridiculous kinds of situations when given freedom.

Hikaru nodded, grinning at her brother. "Yes. He tried to attack me several times. But I'm not entirely helpless, you know. I kept on returning and I guess he got fed up with me in the end. Didn't mind my company anymore."

"And now you're friends." Hashirama said faintly. He had been the most apologetic of them all, confessing that he didn't realize that the bijuu were truly sentient.

Hikaru smiled at him. "Yes. Now we're friends."

* * *

 **...**

"It's amazing that you two haven't been caught yet, you know." Tobirama said in dispassionate greeting, staring dead eyes at the two fumbling figures in front of him.

Hashirama and Hikaru turned to him with flushed faces, and Tobirama raised a brow in bland disapproval. He was practically desensitized at the image after seeing the two sneak around for months now.

He wondered how Madara and Izuna could be this blind for so long. Sheer bullheadedness must run in the family.

"We're in the Senju compound, Tobirama. Don't be mean." Hashirama said with as much dignity as he could muster, considering the situation.

"Yes, well. If the Uchiha were to be informed that Hikaru-hime's researches in our compound consist mostly of you molesting the daylights out of her… I already asked some of our clansmen to dig you a grave near the Tsushima Shrine, brother." Tobirama said placidly before glancing at the mortified girl that had been pinned against his brother a moment ago. "Hello, Hikaru-hime."

Hikaru waved a feeble hand in greeting.

"I haven't been molesting Hikaru!" Hashirama said in offense. "I've been… well, courting her."

Tobirama wanted to say that courting didn't involve making out on the sitting room of the Senju manor unsupervised at all, but whatever. On his brother's head be it.

"Courting me is technically worse, Hashirama." Hikaru said quietly, patting her unruly hair back. "It's Madara-nii's prerogative to allow a courtship, so we're not really in a relationship. Just sneaking around."

Tobirama sent her an assessing look. At least she seemed to be keeping her brain in their relationship.

Hashirama looked stricken at Hikaru's words. "So I'm just taking advantage of you? Oh, kami. I am, aren't I?"

The Uchiha lowered her eyes demurely. "I wouldn't use those words—"

Hashirama took Hikaru's shoulders steadily and looked her in the eyes. "I'm sorry. I hadn't been thinking. I was just so happy that I forgot…" The Hokage breathed in deeply, "I'm doing you a world of wrong, Hikaru. I'll talk to your brothers today, I swear."

And then he pressed a kiss to Hikaru's mouth and stood up, nodding at Tobirama and leaving the room.

"Take your wits with you." Tobirama called after him. "I don't want you dead just yet, brother. Our clansmen haven't finished digging."

Hikaru laughed, green eyes sparkling as she tucked her hands and sat upright.

Tobirama stared at her for a moment before giving her a reluctant smile. "Masterful performance."

"I try." Hikaru said dryly. "How long do you think it would take him to realize that I duped him into facing Madara-nii?"

"Probably never, with how angelic he seems to regard you as." Tobirama said impassively. "But knowing my brother, it was not his intention to keep you a secret. I apologize for his actions."

She looked surprised. "It's not—"

"It is entirely inappropriate, and he should know better." Tobirama said, cutting her off. "If it were a formal courtship, he would never be allowed around you without supervision. Hashirama is the clan head and he knows the proper protocol and traditions of our family."

Hikaru cocked her head. "Is that why he looked so stricken?"

"Yes," Tobirama said in confusion. "I thought you knew. I thought that was the reason why you fooled him into meeting your brothers. You want him to take responsibility, do you not?"

"Oh, it's not because of tradition." Hikaru said with a slight smile. "Hashirama's honorable, he wouldn't do anything against my will. I wanted him to meet my brothers because I know we can't keep up the pretense much longer. It's better to say it to my brothers' face now than for them to find out on their own. We're letting it fester as it is."

"Oh." Tobirama said in surprise. He thought she had a more superficial reason for wanting to reveal their relationship. He thought wrong, it seemed. "I see. I think I'm going to enjoy having you as a sister-in-law."

Hikaru flushed, and Tobirama smiled at her. His brother had chosen his future wife wisely at least. "Aren't you going to follow after Hashirama? He might need your help in facing your brothers."

Hikaru waved his concern away. "Madara-nii does have a reason to get mad. We _have_ been hiding it for months now, so I'll let him take a good shot at Hashirama. I'll follow after him once I see something burning. Or hear something exploding. He won't maim him permanently. I think. Hopefully."

Tobirama let out a huff of laughter and proceeded to sit in front of the table littered with _fuuinjutsu_ notes. "So, I do have some interest in your sealing project…"

* * *

 **...**

Madara felt ill. His young, innocent, baby sister was being courted— no, _corrupted_ by his idiot of a best friend.

That… that couldn't be true.

"It's true, nii-san."

Impossible! Since when had that fucking _bastard—_

"Seven months ago, nii-san."

 _Seven months?!_ Seven months of treachery—why that scum-infested sonofabitch!

"Nii-san, you're yelling my eardrums off."

Madara's murderous eyes flickered to Hikaru. "Where is the bastard."

Hikaru blinked at her eldest brother's suddenly calm voice. She had a bad feeling about this…

"I told him to leave after you shot a Grand Fireball at his face. Calm down, nii-san—"

 _Calm down?!_ To hell with **_calming the fuck down!_**

Hashirama was panting after Hikaru like a dog in fucking heat! His sister! Hashirama and his baby sister!

That wasn't allowed! Who told Hashirama he was allowed to do that? And to his _sister_ of all people?!

Was this a practical joke? Was Hashirama trying to beat him at something? What the hell was the Senju bastard pulling off _now_?!

Hashirama was practically Madara's sibling in all but blood, that scumbag traitor! And Hikaru _was_ his sibling by blood. So wasn't that like incest?

It was! It was betrayal of the highest degree!

Madara's Sharingan eyes narrowed as he fingered his _gunbai_.

His best friend was living on borrowed time.

It's not like it would be a shame to kill him, right? He'd be doing the world a favor. He'd even mourn Hashirama once the fucker was dead.

He'd been wanting a Mangekyou Sharingan for some time now, after all.

* * *

 **...**

The epic tale of Uchiha Madara battling Senju Hashirama for his sister's virtue went down in history. It also served to embarrass the sister in question because the historic battle was used as a deterrent against amorous suitors in the future.

The battle was legendary. Madara summoned a perfect Susanoo, using it as the armor for the Kyuubi no Yoko who decided to fight for his side. For his part, Kurama wasn't coerced or hypnotized by the Sharingan at all; he just wanted to go against the tree-freak for shits and giggles. He had it coming anyway.

And besides, Kurama was fond of the green-eyed kit. In his opinion, if one cannot face the might of Kyuubi-sama, one cannot breathe the same air as his kit.

"Stand still, Hashirama! I promise it'll only hurt for a minute after I blow your fucking face off, traitor!"

 **"Yeah, what he said!"**

Hashirama had been forced to defend himself, trying to fend off both his best friend and one very eager battle-happy bijuu. He struggled hard not to injure them because what would Hikaru say if Hashirama accidentally cut off Madara's arm or something?

The sheer destruction they caused created the Valley of the End.

It ended when Uchiha Hikaru, pissed and fed-up with all the destruction to nature (not to mention incredibly embarrassed), flung her hands and magically plucked the two fighting idiots from their high perches above, Madara from Kyuubi's head and Hashirama on top of his thousand wooden hands.

That was the moment Hashirama realized that his beloved had a temper to rival the explosiveness of a bijuudama and a shameless potty mouth to boot.

Hikaru proceeded to give them a loud, hysterical telling-off with an angry rant about the ecosystem and screams of, ' _K_ _ami_ , _you morons just blasted off a fucking mountain! You made a whole new shitty valley!_ _We should name it the Valley of Fucking Overreaction_!'.

She yelled at them for hours, and the memory of Hikaru's fierce hysterics still made Madara flinch in remembrance and Hashirama to whittle down in silence to this day.

The Kyuubi got time off, facing the front of a mountain for a week.

* * *

 **...**

Since Madara could not murder Hashirama and make it look like an accident anymore, he decided to point out flaws that would hopefully deter Hikaru from getting near the sister-stealing tree-bastard.

He was failing. Excessively.

"—and he had a _bowl cut_ when he was younger! His bangs were hideous! And the way he dressed himself, kami you'd think he tailored it from his mother's drapes! Ridiculous!" Madara ranted, flaring his nose in rage.

Hikaru's green eyes laughed as she hugged her well-meaning brother. She had mellowed down after a few weeks of flaying the two alive with words. Now she just felt lenient. "No, you're ridiculous, nii-san. Hashirama already grew his hair, he doesn't have any bangs, he dresses like a Hokage and no, he doesn't tailor it from his mother's drapes."

"But—"

"No buts, nii-san." Hikaru said, patting her brother's shoulder. Madara shuddered at her sweet smile. "I'm happy, Madara-nii. I love Hashirama and he is courting me. Won't you be happy and give us your blessing?"

The ' _or else'_ was silently implied.

Madara stared at his sister for a long time before spinning away and marching out of the Uchiha compound in a sulky sort of stiff rage. Hikaru just watched him go with amusement.

Madara roamed the village to steam off his anger and his feet eventually reached a dango stand. Deciding that he'd might as well drown his sorrows in _sake_ and _manjuu_ buns, he flipped the stand covers open.

And was treated to the sight of Senju Tobirama pigging out on a plate of mochi.

For his part, Tobirama had sensed the murderous aura of the Uchiha head a mile away but didn't care one bit. His brother was being an extra pain in the arse lately after the Uchiha clan forbade him from seeing Hikaru. And so Tobirama had a fucking awful day today and anyone who wanted to drag him away from his mountain of comfort food was getting a _suiton_ bullet between their forehead.

And so when Madara flipped the covers open and blinked at the sight of him wolfing down his fifth plate of sweets, Tobirama just gave him a bland look and went on chewing his mochi viciously, daring him to say something.

Dark eyes flickered to his face. "…you have anko sauce on your chin."

Slowly and with as much dignity as he could muster, Tobirama raised a tissue to his face.

They measured each other warily.

"Uchiha."

"Hn. Senju."

With that out of the way, Madara took the empty seat beside the white-haired Senju and ignored his affronted air, calling for a bottle of alcohol. The noise around the food stand did wonders to douse their temper.

Madara took a long drink of sake. Tobirama ate a ball of dango. Then…

"Hikaru threatened to leave the compound to _elope_."

"Huh. You have it easy Uchiha. Imagine living with a whining Hashirama. Permanently."

"Pining for my sister?"

"Unfortunately."

Madara took another sip of sake, cheeks ruddy. Tobirama lined up his wooden skewers next to his platter of sweet sauce.

The silence was nice. They could get used to this.

"I still hate your brother, Senju."

"Believe me, the sentiment is shared, Uchiha."

* * *

 **...**

After threatening him within an inch of his life (' _If you ever hurt her I'm going to skewer your ass with Susanoo's sword and roast you in a pit of hellfire you fucking hippy tree-hugger, best friend or no_ ), Madara finally accepted Hashirama's relationship with Hikaru. And maybe someday he could think about it without having the urge to murder the sister-stealing idiot.

Someday.

One day.

Hopefully.

Most likely never though.

* * *

 **...**

Madara's reaction on Hikaru's relationship with Hashirama had been predictable and explosive.

Izuna's reaction on the other hand, surprised everyone.

The younger Uchiha brother blinked after receiving the news and slowly shook his head like a confused dog shaking water out of its ears. Then he stared at Hikaru, who was the bearer of news, and calmly asked if he could see both her and Hashirama for tea.

Tea.

Hikaru had been unnerved. Izuna loathed propriety. Hearing the word 'tea' from her wild and rowdy brother was like hearing Madara say that he loved the Senju with all of his black and shriveled heart.

Hashirama agreed to meet Izuna, soothing Hikaru's worries with an embrace and a firm look. They entered the Uchiha estate together and sat down across Izuna, who had already been sipping a cup of tea before their arrival.

"Village clan charter states that upon entering a courtship, dignity and virtue must be intact until the day the courtship is fulfilled or broken." Izuna said mildly, breaking the silence and staring at Hashirama with hooded eyes. "You know what this means, don't you, Senju?"

Hashirama looked surprised but he nodded firmly. "Of course. I have not—"

He paused in realization, flushing deeply and looking slightly alarmed. Izuna smirked, Sharingan eyes flaring in sinister triumph.

Hashirama's breath caught sharply, a wave of panic gripping him. He turned to Hikaru. "We haven't—"

"We haven't." she said firmly, squeezing Hashirama's hand tight. "We haven't."

"Oh?" Izuna said sharply.

"Hashirama may have been… _distracted_ during our private activities," Hikaru said, smirking at her brother's disgusted look. "But I think I'm aware enough of our actions that we haven't gone that far. Yet. Unless you count a bit of hand stuff—"

Both Hashirama and Izuna sputtered and reddened, glaring at Hikaru to shut up. The green-eyed girl just giggled.

"Aw, fuck." Izuna muttered, slumping out of his dignified stance. "I thought Hashirama would've been enough of an idiot to go the whole way already. Would've gave you no choice but to break up."

"If Hashirama _had_ defiled me as you thought he did—not that I'd protest if he did—" Hikaru said, ignoring Hashirama's whimper. "I could have demanded him to take responsibility and we would be together anyway. Lose-lose, nii-san."

Izuna grumbled mutinously and flung his teacup away, slamming a jar of _sake_ on the table instead. "This was a waste of time then. I heard about Hashi-bastard and nii-sama flattening a fucking mountain, although I didn't know what you two were raging about this time. Figures, though. Nii-sama has a giant brother complex."

He caught Hikaru's surprised look and smirked. "I'm not _that_ deaf, Hikaru-chan. In denial maybe—because _kami,_ imouto, you have such fucking weird taste in men—"

A cloud of depression hung around Hashirama.

"—but I've heard rumors around the village. I would've tried to stop you and complained about it like nii-sama, but you know yourself enough to see what makes you happy. You've always been the most self-aware of the three of us. You know what you want." Izuna said. Then he shrugged. "Besides, I know nii-sama already wailed on Hashi-bastard's ass to last him a century, so I think I'll give you some slack."

He tipped the sake jar at Hashirama in a mockery of a toast and chugged its contents down. Hikaru laughed while Hashirama looked on with awkward exasperation.

And they say the Senju were weird…

* * *

 **...**

Hashirama wasted no time to offer a formal betrothal and Hikaru accepted with a wide and tearful smile. Both Izuna and Madara already gave their (grudging) blessing, Tobirama could care less, and now all that was left was to make it official.

But their clan elders disagreed.

To the surprise of many, the Senju and Uchiha elders joined forces to nag Hashirama on how he had handled his relationship with Hikaru.

"—utterly shameful, Hashirama-sama. Even if they are the Uchiha, she deserves the courtesy as she is the clan head's sister! There are traditions for this. If Butsuma-sama were alive—"

"—and there is the matter of her dowry—"

"—not that the Senju clan would claim reparations. We apologize for how our clan head handled this—"

"They don't have any problem with us, right? Why are they still arguing?" Hikaru said in confusion as they watched old men bicker.

"Because I didn't ask permission from your clan to court you before we got together." Hashirama said, giving her a tired smile. "And now I'm asking for your hand in marriage without going through the traditional courtship they wanted."

"I see." Hikaru blinked, staring at the elders. "So they don't disapprove of me then? They're just upset that we didn't go through what they believe is the proper way of courting."

"Yes. Ideally, our relationship wouldn't be this scrutinized but you _are_ the clan head's sister and I _am_ the head of the Senju." Hashirama pressed a kiss on her fingers. "I apologize. Both for denying you a proper courtship and for the headache the elders are giving you."

"You don't have to apologize for anything, Hashirama." Hikaru said. "I know clan traditions just as well as you do. I liked how you courted me just fine. We don't need to have it formally."

Hashirama smiled in relief and Hikaru leaned on his shoulder with a sigh.

"This is sad." A voice behind them piped up. "So very sad. We can topple mountains and create elemental disasters and summon mythical beasts—"

"Izuna-nii."

"—but we're still being pushed around by a few decaying old farts." Izuna finished, squeezing in between Hashirama and Hikaru, much to their disgruntlement.

"At least our clan elders are getting along now." Touka said in greeting, a smirk on her face. "If only to scold Hashirama."

"I bet some of our elders are having their souls soothed after getting the chance to yell at the Senju clan head." Izuna grinned with relish. "Their last retribution before they croak."

"But my ears are bleeding." Hashirama grumbled. "And there's just so many versions of the words 'disgraceful behavior' until it gets old."

"Take it like a man, brother." Tobirama said flatly, somehow freeing himself from the elders' discussion and joining them. "Just as you took the Uchiha princess in a relationship without informing the elders."

"It was completely mutual, I assure you." Hikaru said to Tobirama, sharing a smile with him.

"Well, there's that at least."

Hashirama blinked. The odd camaraderie between his brother and betrothed still befuddled him to this day.

"We should get Madara-nii in here." Hikaru said, green eyes roving on the arguing seniors. "One look from him would shut them all up."

Everyone was amused at that.

"Pah. Old people. They're just bitter that they're not included in the news anymore." Touka scoffed. "When I get married, I'm having none of this drivel."

"Of course. Nobody can tell you what to do." Izuna soothed, patting her arm tentatively.

Touka looked strangely pleased at that, and Hikaru laughed, so very pleased at how they all got along without anger of fear or the pride of their clans clouding their minds.

She was looking forward to the future.

 **...**

* * *

 **A/N:** Whew. Done. And congrats to Jimmythereptile for getting Madara's reaction right. I guess he's that predictable, huh? XD

I'll post the last chapter once I get the latest chapter of Towards the Sun out. Thanks to all the follows, faves, and reviews. You people fuel my imagination.

 **Read and review.**

Memory out!


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: What is this? Plot in my story? How shocking. In any case, please read on. *smiles***

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter or Naruto. They are owned by J.K. Rowling and Masashi Kishimoto respectively.

 **Pairings:** Hashirama/Hikaru (fem!Harry), slight Mada/Tobi, slight Touka/Izuna

* * *

 **...**

Their wedding was complete chaos.

Oh, it was beautiful and a memory to be fondly relieved throughout the years, but it was also total pandemonium.

The villagers were merry and rowdy, using their Hokage's wedding as an excuse to be loud and wild and intoxicated. The skies of Konoha continuously exploded with bright lights and fireworks for three days, and once in a while someone decided to randomly light up a Katon jutsu to bathe the night sky with orange flames in the shape of the Senju and Uchiha clan symbols.

The bijuu insisted on attending the wedding as well and the villagers stared at the oddly colored people milling around Hikaru-hime with a curious air because _those were claws and fangs peeking from their clothes, right_?

Meanwhile, Madara raised a complete stink after his third glass of _sake_ and almost burned down a section of the village in his petulant state. The other Uchiha members hunched their backs and pretended not to know their raving clan head.

It was Tobirama who marched over to Madara and called him an utter disgrace, dropping a lake-worth of water on his head. He then dragged the Uchiha out of his funk and led him somewhere to sulk in wet clothes.

They hadn't been seen since.

Izuna made many merry friends in his inebriated way, challenging a disguised Son Goku to a drinking contest while Matatabi and Choumei egged them on. Mito and Touka were just smirking at the side and watching the destruction unfold, cooing at the newlyweds when they caught their eye.

Hashirama and Hikaru on the other hand, disappeared as soon as they can.

While they did look forward to one week of being alone together, they just wanted to get away from the sheer destruction the ceremony inflicted on the village.

"I hope I still have a village standing after this." Hashirama muttered, shrugging off his ceremonial white robe.

Hikaru laughed, tugging the silk ribbon out of her husband's brown hair and letting it flow free. "Don't worry, _anata._ The clan heads were still sober. I think they can manage a week without you."

"…say that again."

"Hm?" Hikaru blinked and smiled at the soft look on Hashirama's face. "Oh… _anata_?"

She yelped and giggled as he pulled her forward, mouth captured in a fierce kiss.

* * *

 **…**

By the second year of Hashirama's reign, the Senju already had their matriarch.

Hikaru was formally acknowledged as Senju Hikaru and had y moved into her husband's clan compound. She still spent time in the Uchiha main house, but she was mostly busy with shouldering half of the leadership of the Senju clan with Tobirama and the responsibilities of being Hashirama's voice in the clan when he was unavailable.

The animosity between the Senju and Uchiha all but disappeared. The Uchiha were resigned to the fact that one of their own was now married to a Senju, and the clan head at that. They accepted that Hikaru-hime saw Hashirama's clan as her own as well, and if there was one thing the Uchiha took seriously, it was family. And so they exerted more effort to regard the Senju as allies, trying to reach out to the clan that was once their greatest enemy. Of course there were some bitter, resentful sentiments that may never disappear, but they were trying and that made all the change in the world.

The Senju acknowledged the Uchiha's efforts at being cordial. They did not rebuff their attempts at reaching out, as they did respect Hikaru-hime as Hashirama's wife and their new clan matriarch. Even though not every Senju were accepting of her, they kept their words to themselves if only to keep the fragile bond between their clans from breaking.

Of course not everything was peaceful. The elders were constantly nagging Hikaru and Hashirama for heirs now. And with other villages forming and threatening to expand upon the Land of Fire's territory, the couple barely had time to spend with each other anymore, being cooped up in meetings or swamped with paperwork or distracted in the battlefield as they were.

Hikaru understood her husband's predicament and tried her best to ease his burden. Even though she had to quit being Hashirama's assistant (she'd be an utter distraction to their Hokage, the clan heads said in jest), she still made sure to send Hashirama off every day and attended to her own responsibilities as the village's seals master with Mito and Tobirama's help. She looked after the wounded and fought against a few skirmishes in the borders, although she wasn't allowed to be included in the frontal assault like Touka was, the council deeming her too much of a high-profile target as the Hokage's wife.

They were both very busy and the status of being married didn't lessen the duties piled unto them. They did their best to cope, but they did miss each other's company.

Today was no different. Apart from their morning greetings, Hashirama hadn't seen or spent time with Hikaru for almost four days now. They kept missing each other; he had work during the day while Hikaru often left during the night to continue her sealing project under the protection of the darkness.

"Hokage-sama, here are some field documents that need approval— _eep!_ " The unfortunate shinobi squeaked when the Hokage directed an uncharacteristically furious glare at his direction. The paper nin clutched the folder to his trembling chest when his leader began to spike killing intent. "U-um… I'll just l-leave, Hokage-sama—"

Hashirama ignored the terrified shinobi, rubbing his temple as he turned his glare to his paperwork.

He was Hikaru-deprived and the last thing he needed was _more work._

He needed to unwind, damn it.

 **…**

Hikaru blinked when Hashirama suddenly appeared at their weekly clan meeting, dark eyes half-lidded as he pulled her to her feet. Strong arms gripped her waist and her eyes widened when she felt her husband nuzzle her neck rather insistently.

" _Anata,_ what—"

They disappeared in a trail of leaves, making the room of elders stare in blank confusion.

Tobirama just sighed in disgust.

 **…**

Madara impatiently marched to the Senju main suite, ignoring the frantic servants trying to prevent him from entering their clan head's bedroom.

He rapped his fist at the doors loudly. "Hashirama! Get up, you idiot! You have a village to run and I am _not_ the Hokage so why am I getting the workload of one—"

There was a squeak, a yelp, the sound of fumbling sheets and a long drawn out ' _nooooo…'._ Madara rolled his eyes at his best friend's antics and was about to shout again when the thick shoji doors parted slightly.

"Finally, you idiot. You—"

Madara paused in shock.

Hikaru was peeking at him behind the door wearing a rumpled robe, face flushed and hair messier than usual. Her mouth looked swollen and her neck was bruised and— _was that a rope tied to her wrist?_

Hikaru's eyes widened at the murderous look on her brother's face. "Uh, nii-san. It's not… what it looks like?"

Madara's roar vibrated all over the Senju compound.

 ** _"_** ** _Hashirama you kinky fuck! What the hell were you doing to my sister?!"_**

 **…**

"We're married. If I want to tie you up and have my way with you until dawn, I will do it with pride because you are my wife and _stop laughing, Hikaru._ "

* * *

 **…**

With Hashirama being dragged back to work, Hikaru decided to spend time with Kurama.

The giant fox had been staying in one of the drearier forest seclusion deep in the Land of Fire, preferring the damp and darkness to the brightness of Konoha's earthy lands. Even though he got on better with his siblings these days, the Kyuubi was a consummate loner and disliked company, and Hikaru likened his personality to a grouchy hermit.

And yet the fox was indulgent of her and had been teaching her techniques that were not quite infused with chakra or magic, but fueled by energy just as mystic as the two.

 _Kitsune_ tricks, he called them.

 **"You're very good at this."** Kurama rumbled, watching Hikaru flicker blue fox fire between her palms.

"I have a good teacher." she smiled at him.

 **"Flatterer."** The fox drawled, tails swishing behind him lazily. His deep voice made the ground rumble.

"But it's true." Hikaru said, dousing the fox fire from her hands before tentatively sitting down near Kurama's forepaw. "I like learning new things. And I like visiting you. Kami knows you could do with more company." A smirk crossed her lips before she poked his fur with a finger. "You know if you just tune down that sour personality of yours a little bit…"

Kurama ignored her teasing tone. **"Humph. I am who I am, brat. Why should I change when other beings should feel honored at my mere presence?"** He paused when Hikaru rolled her eyes. Then he snorted, the exhale sending hot air throughout the area. **"And besides, your company is annoying enough. At least I won't be seeing much of you anymore."**

Hikaru blinked at the giant bijuu. "What do you mean you won't be seeing me? I always come at least twice a week. I like your company. Unless… you're already bored of me?"

 **"So you don't know."** Kurama hummed, angling his muzzle at her pointedly. **"I could care less if you visit or not, but you'll be forced to stay put in that dratted village of yours in the next few months given your condition."**

"Condition?"

The Kyuubi gave her a disbelieving look, a very human expression, before pointedly shoving his giant nose at her middle again.

Hikaru blinked before gently patting her stomach. Green eyes widened. "…oh." She paused, letting it sink it. "Oh." A breathtaking smile bloomed on her lips and she looked at the Kyuubi with a joyous expression. "Really?" she breathed.

 **"I can sense the tree-freak's chakra and yours."** Kurama snorted. **"So yes. Quite sure."**

Hikaru laughed breathlessly, patting her stomach with gentle affection. "I see. Hashirama's going to fret, but I'm not one for sitting around. He'll have to bear with me."

 **"I hardly care for the idiot's reaction."** Kurama said, placing his head between his folded arms. His expression was bored. **"Now I distinctly remember that you promised me one of your stories, kit."**

"You have more interesting stories to tell me you know. But I suppose it's my turn now." Hikaru said, making herself comfortable. She placed a hand on her middle and closed her eyes in peace. "There was a child who lived inside a cupboard under the stairs…"

* * *

 **…**

A week later, the village was treated to the sight of their Hokage strutting around the village like a proud peacock, his face alight with a wide smile. The reason for his bizarre behavior was quickly explained when one of the Senju servants relayed that Hikaru-hime had been experiencing morning sickness and was confirmed to be expecting a child.

Madara had gone pale and swayed on the spot at the news. He was only held upright with the help of Tobirama, who looked at his peacocking brother stoically.

"Congratulations, brother."

"Thank you!" Hashirama said joyously, hugging Tobirama who endured the physical contact with long suffering.

Izuna snickered at the pasty look on his older brother's face. "I think it just hit Madara-nii that you copulated with our little sister to make that baby."

"Don't tell me you're surprised. We catch them in compromising positions at least once a week." Tobirama said. "The only thing that surprises me that it took this long for Hikaru to get pregnant."

"Sex." Touka drawled the word, making Madara spasm. "There. I said it."

There was a mad scramble for who got the privilege of being named the baby's godparents, and even though the threat of war with the other villages palpable in the air, the thought of new life was enough to distract them from the realities of the world.

The soon-to-be parents chose the Kyuubi as the godfather, and as far as choices went, everyone agreed that naming a bijuu as a parental figure was the most bizarre decision Hashirama and Hikaru has ever made in their lives.

But they insisted that since it was Kurama who first figured out that Hikaru was carrying their child, he deserved the honor.

The _real_ reason they chose a giant bijuu for godfather instead of their relatively human brothers was that they already saw Madara, Izuna and Tobirama giving each other snide, menacing looks and concluded that it wouldn't be pretty.

They did not want another re-enactment of the Valley of the End.

Hikaru was quite surprised that even Izuna looked ready to rumble against their eldest brother just to be named godfather. So in the end they chose none of the three would-be uncles.

Kurama was oddly touched and secretly smug as well. His siblings were bitterly complaining that they wanted godchildren too, just because Kurama had one.

Mito and Touka fought viciously for the title of godmother, and as far as fights go, it was thankfully less wild than the hopeful godfathers' fight had promised to be. Mito won by a hair's breath. Touka was promised the next child, and so she was slightly appeased by that.

Hikaru meanwhile, was not enjoying her state very much. She had never been pregnant, in this life or before. She remembered being too busy rebuilding her life after the war with the Dark Lord to settle with someone and by the time her friends began pairing off with each other and were having kids, she was content with only having Teddy to love and raise.

But this was different. This was her child, her flesh and blood. Hers and Hashirama's. And while the chakra exhaustion and morning sickness were awful (clan babies in this world drew chakra from their parents apparently), Hikaru knew it would all be worth it in the end because this child was created out of love.

This child was proof that their clans could overcome decades of enmity. This child was to be clan head after Hashirama someday, one of mixed Uchiha and Senju blood, who would hopefully be born in a world of relative peace.

And she couldn't remain grumpy for long anyway. Hashirama had been utterly sweet for the duration of her condition, catering to all her requests no matter how strange, and the sappy smile on her husband's face wiped out any kind of exhaustion Hikaru felt about her state.

"I love you," Hashirama said, hugging Hikaru as gently as he could manage, patting her distended stomach with something like awe.

"I love you too." Hikaru sighed, closing her eyes and basking in the peaceful stillness of the night.

* * *

 **…**

"A what?" A heavily-pregnant Hikaru asked in bewilderment as she helped her husband off his bloody armor.

"A zombie plant man." Hashirama said solemnly, eyes dead serious as he slumped on a chair.

He, Tobirama and Madara had just returned from a reconnaissance mission, trying to map the borders and figure out to lay traps against foreign and enemy shinobi. It was a relatively simple mission that was more of a chore than a challenge for the three extremely powerful shinobi.

Nobody expected anything bizarre or dangerous to happen. It did anyway.

"A… zombie plant man." Hikaru repeated. "A man. Made out of plant. That's been dead then reanimated." Hikaru paused before patting her husband's cheek. "You know I told you to stop watching those horror theatres in the capital after you visit the Daimyo. Your imagination's running wild, _anata_."

"He's telling the truth, unfortunately." Tobirama called out from where he was wrestling with an injured Madara. "No matter how foolish it sounds like, it really _was_ a plant man. And stop moving, you imbecile!" Tobirama barked, turning back to Madara. "You'll aggravate your wounds and then you'll spend more time in the hospital. The medics have more important things to do than heal your stubborn self!"

"So stop fussing over me, bastard!" Madara snapped, batting Tobirama's stronghold away. "The only reason I'm moving is because you're all over my breathing space, Senju!"

"Well forgive me from trying to prevent you from spilling your guts all over the floor, Uchiha! If you haven't missed it–although you most probably have due to your skull being bashed earlier–you would see that your sister is in a delicate state and distressing her with the image of you gushing blood all over the place will not help her at all!"

Hikaru could actually handle the image of her brother's injured state despite being pregnant but predictably, the idea of upsetting her quieted Madara immediately.

"I still don't understand what you mean by zombie plant man." Hikaru said, turning to Hashirama.

He shrugged helplessly before turning faintly green. "It… tried to seduce Madara." The Hokage said in a disbelieving voice. "A plant tried to seduce Madara."

He proceeded to look at his hands with pure betrayal, as if he was dreading that his Mokuton might attempt to sweet-talk his best friend inappropriately as well.

Hikaru lapsed into silence again before repeating it slowly. "A… plant. Tried to seduce Madara-nii."

"Again." Tobirama said, as if pained. "It's the truth. The odd plant thing focused itself almost obsessively at your brother."

Madara snorted. "It was fucking creepy. I couldn't light a Katon jutsu at it fast enough."

"And yet, you were listening to what he was offering." Tobirama said sharply, eyes narrowed.

"I was just in awe at the amount of shit it was spewing out, Senju." Madara scowled. "Leave the village for power? I would never do that."

Hashirama smiled at him tiredly. "Shame it got away though. It was frustratingly elusive. And you almost killed it too, Madara."

"Mmm…" Tobirama hummed in consideration. "I've never seen you try to kill something with that much effort before, Uchiha. You almost razed the forest."

A dull flush crept on the Madara's face. "It threatened Izuna and Hikaru."

He said it as if it was a perfectly good reason for him to go crazily berserk on the enemy and for Madara, it probably was. Everyone knew that he was scarily possessive of his brother and sister. Nothing riled him up worse than a threat to his siblings.

"We couldn't track it further." Tobirama said, returning to their discussion on the plant being. "It was persistent but it stopped following us when we reached the borders of the village. We returned to look for it but it was long gone."

"Then we can't do anything about it for now but wait and be vigilant." Hikaru said gently, placing a hand on her husband's shoulder. "I suggest that the three of you rest inside the village for the time being."

 **…**

Three weeks later, an Uzumaki shinobi went missing from his village. Then his body was found near the borders of Konoha, mangled beyond recognition.

Tension began to rise between the sister villages until the Uzukage himself made a visit and declared that Konoha played no part in their jounin's death, and had no reason to.

Everyone then treated it as a frame up by one of the other villages to weaken the bond between Uzu and Konoha, and the two villages moved on from the somber event after reaching the obvious answer.

But the two concerning Kage thought differently.

They kept their discussion behind closed doors however, not wanting to alarm their villages.

Unfortunately for them, things were just about to get worse.

 **…**

Zetsu was enraged.

He could not enter that blasted cesspit the humans called a village. How was he supposed to carry out his mother's will if he could not fester the Curse of Hatred within Indra's descendants?

He had been able to obtain a body using the leftover power of that dratted Asura's reincarnation, but he had not progressed beyond that. He could not slither inside Konoha, let alone the Uchiha clan lands.

Zetsu had realized that the shining lines keeping him away were seals. Seals around the village, and it was so irksome that those detestable Uchiha he was supposed to corrupt were just waiting there like sitting ducks, yet he could do nothing about it.

He abducted an Uzumaki to decipher the seals, yet the blood-haired man he abducted resisted vehemently, refusing to betray their sister village, and it was only after days of torture in Zetsu's hands did the Uzumaki reveal that he could not decipher the seals, let alone unravel them.

The human said it with such a relieved smile on his face despite his agony that Zetsu couldn't help his fury, killing the Uzumaki pest with a stab to his upper cavity.

Pity. Zetsu would have wanted to draw out his torture longer than that.

But that left him with no seals master. He dragged three more Uzumaki kicking and screaming (and sometimes biting, that stupid clan were just _animals_ ), all bloodied and tortured, yet none of them could break the seals around the village. Worse, they all wore the same smug, triumphant grins even after their deaths, as if they knew something Zetsu didn't.

It was maddening.

Growling within the shadows, Zetsu took one more look at Konoha and skulked away, intent on plucking another screaming Uzumaki from their village.

It was tedious work, but it was all for his mother.

Little did he know that he would never be able to enter Uzu again and Kaguya's will was going to take much longer to accomplish. If at all.

* * *

 **…**

Hikaru rubbed her large stomach. In response, four Konoha shinobi around her tensed, their arms twitching as if they were about to whisk her away to safety at the first sign of her discomfort.

Hikaru glared at her husband. Hashirama ignored her and nodded as the Uzumaki finished setting up the village-wide, seven-cornered seal barrier.

"It is done." Mito said, watching her clansmen slumpon the ground with grim satisfaction on their tired faces.

"Finally." Mito's father, the Uzukage Minoru said with quiet relief. The continuous loss of his people took a toll on the old man. "And you say that no one can enter the village with it in place?"

"No one with any ill will. Of course there are exceptions, and the barrier can be lifted, but it is permanent." Hikaru spoke up as Hashirama flashed to her side, looking no worse for wear. Her husband had agreed to provide most of the chakra for the initial set-up of the barrier. "The seal draws power from the ambient chakra of the earth, so it is just as strong as the village it is drawn under."

"I see." the Uzukage said neutrally. He had doubts on the capacity of a seal like that, as he had never seen a seal that drew power from something other than the person who created it. But he wanted to place his faith on his sister's daughter.

(His faith would not be ill-placed. Decades after Senju Hikaru oversaw the creation of the barrier of Uzushio, Kiri and Iwa would attempt to massacre the island village. They never made it to land.)

"We appreciate the hospitality of Uzushio, Minoru-sama." Hashirama said, placing a hand on Hikaru's shoulder protectively. "But considering the circumstances, I'm afraid we have to leave."

Hashirama had been tense throughout the trip. He had flatly refused when Hikaru asked to leave for Uzu to place a barrier around her former village. Even Madara and Izuna agreed with their brother-in-law to keep her in Konoha until she gave birth.

In the end, Mito and Touka won the men over, with great reluctance on Hashirama's part. He was not risking his wife and unborn child though, and made sure that the best security was afforded for them. It had been difficult to leave Konoha undetected, but with Hikaru's power, the travel to Uzu had been thankfully swift.

Still, Hashirama could no longer stand having his pregnant wife away from their village and had done his best to shorten the trip.

"I understand." Minoru said, eyes crinkling as he patted his niece's belly. "It is a joy to see new life eagerly anticipated, and I am happy at how your life turned out to be, Hikaru-chan. Your mother would have been overjoyed."

Tears entered Hikaru's eyes. She bowed as low as she could. "Thank you, uncle Minoru. For everything."

Her uncle had been kind to her. He took care of her like she had been his own daughter, and had taken great lengths to threaten Uchiha Tajima with the weight of his clan if she was ever harmed. For him and for Mito, she would aid Uzu with all of her power.

"Think of it as nothing, Hikaru-chan." Minoru said. "For your future, focus on the family you are building. Nothing would make me happier than to see you flourish."

* * *

 **…**

The seasons passed, and months turned to years.

Hashirama and Hikaru's firstborn was a son they named Kinoe. He was a solemn little boy, with a shy smile and a quiet demeanor. Kinoe's skin had a healthy tan, and his hair was dark and fell in neat strands like Hashirama's. He looked a lot like Hashirama actually, although Madara stated that Kinoe looked a lot smarter than his Senju father was at the same young age.

His eyes were pitch black though, almost the color of an Uchiha's eyes.

It had the Uchiha clan hoping that Kinoe inherited the Sharingan, if only to appreciate the irony of having the Senju clan head's son possessing their dojutsu.

Their hopes were dashed when the little Senju heir turned three.

"You know," Hikaru said conversationally, watching her husband fret. "Madara-nii was just telling me that he wanted Kinoe over to try some exercises that could help awaken his Sharingan. Now I have to tell him that it's impossible."

"Papaaaaa!"

"Hang in there, Kinoe!" Hashirama wailed, looking up at the large pine tree Kinoe accidentally created with his newly-awakened Mokuton, the same tree that their little boy was clinging to above in panic. "Hikaru, what do we do?!"

Hikaru smiled at him menacingly. " _Anata_ , are you forgetting that you have the very same _kekkei genkai_ our son proved to have just now?"

Hashirama blanched then quickly conjured wooden hands to gently pluck their sobbing little boy from the tree.

"He could still have both," Hashirama said as he buried the roots of Kinoe's first Mokuton-induced tree back to the ground. "Both Sharingan and Mokuton."

Hikaru laughed, stroking her sniffling child's hair. "That's wishful thinking. I think that the Senju and Uchiha are so repellent against each other that even our _kekkei genkai_ would never manifest in a single person."

Hashirama chuckled, pressing a kiss on his wife and child's temples. "Well, you'll never know."

The Senju clan rejoiced at the revelation of Kinoe's awakened bloodline. Money exchanged hands, smug looks were thrown, and Izuna sulked as he paid for his lost bet.

"It's not fair." He moaned over some drinks during the Senju's party. "It's like, a one in a million chance that Kinoe-kun would've inherited the Mokuton. Half of the Uchiha have the Sharingan, but how many Senju apart from Hashi-bastard had the Mokuton? Nada, that's what!"

The Senju men he was drinking with were torn between being amused and offended. But since they was speaking to a drunk loser, they just patted the morose Uchiha's back. He just lost fifty-thousand ryo, after all.

Hikaru listened from a distance and vaguely wondered if her magical blood did something to awaken her son's Mokuton.

 **…**

Their next child, a daughter they named Maika, was a sucker's bet. It was plainly obvious that she inherited most of a particular clan's traits. She came to the world crying and pouting, sable eyes glaring tearfully at Hashirama.

"She's an Uchiha through and through." Madara said smugly, cradling her gently in his arms. It was an odd sight, the frigid Uchiha clan head holding a baby.

"Except for her hair," Hikaru said, smiling tiredly. "She has my mother's red hair."

"Still, her features are all from our clan." Madara replied. "And you named her Maika. Dancing fire. An Uchiha name."

"I just want to honor our clan." Hikaru said. "Maika would undoubtedly do you proud, nii-san."

And indeed, she seemed to have even inherited the Uchiha clan's (dwindling) distaste for the Senju. Hashirama was dramatically distraught when all his daughter did was glare at him, wailing when he held her for too long. Madara and Izuna found it completely hilarious, especially when she seemed to adore them instead. The two smug uncles were often seen carrying the little girl around the compound.

Maika seemed torn about her Mokuton-using brother, face scrunching up when he peered at her, but since Kinoe was very much delighted and in awe of his little sister, she seemed to deem his presence acceptable.

"It's like she has Madara-nii's personality." Hikaru said with a quirked smile, watching her daughter purse her little lips at her enamored big brother. "Proud, particular, likes warm things… Given her high temperature, she might even have a dominant fire affinity like nii-san."

Hashirama and Tobirama paled.

Madara smirked proudly at the thought. "Maybe she could grow up to be a female version of me. Isn't that a glorious thought—"

"Oh god no Madara, don't jinx my daughter—"

"Heaven help us all."

 **…**

Their last child was a boy named Hekishoku, a name Hashirama proudly came up with on his own because Hikaru had been too doped up with drugs to stop her husband from writing it down on official documents. Hashirama was _terrible_ at naming things, and even though he was pretty spot on when he named Hekishoku, everyone agreed that it was still a weird ass name.

"'Green emerald'. You named your son after a literal color and a gem." Touka deadpanned at her clan head. At the side, Izuna snickered as he stroked his sleeping sister's hair.

"Didn't we unanimously agree to keep Hashirama from naming anything?" Mito said aloud from beside Touka.

"We did." Madara frowned as he crossed his arms, addressing the room at large. "Whose turn was it to watch him this week?"

"Not me." Touka and Izuna said at the same time.

"It's one of you then." Madara accused with narrowed eyes.

"Well, there's nothing we can do about it." Tobirama sighed, shaking his head. "His name is already written on clan records, unfortunate it may be."

"Poor kid." Mito mourned.

"Hey! It fits, you know." Hashirama said in offense, cradling his youngest as his daughter and son crowded around him to peek at their newest sibling. "He has Hikaru's eyes."

"It's still tacky, Hashirama." A weak voice said. Everyone turned to a pale-faced Hikaru who was looking at her husband with bland eyes. Then she softened upon seeing her newborn baby in his arms. "Hekishoku." Hikaru tested out loud before turning to her brother-in-law. "Tell me it isn't so."

Tobirama offered her a smile than came out more as a funny grimace.

Hikaru sighed before smiling, opening her arms at her husband to receive their son. "Well, I can't say it doesn't fit." she murmured upon peeking at hazy green eyes, a mirror of her own. "Still, you're going to be teased terribly, little one. I'm afraid you only have your father to blame."

Hashirama sniffed, although the wide smile on his face never wavered at the sight of his wife and children together.

Still, Hekishoku did seem to take after Hikaru in most ways. He grew up to have her messy black hair and emerald eyes, with little dimples on his cheeks whenever he smiled. He was lively and was too curious for his own good, making his siblings run around in circles with worry whenever he got tangled into things that he wasn't supposed to mess with.

"And he's the last one, Hashirama." Hikaru said in amusement as they watched an exasperated Kinoe bind his squirming brother with wooden branches to keep him from running away again. "I don't think the village can stand another one of our children anymore."

"We'll see." Hashirama said, his brown eyes soft as he buried his smile beneath her hair.

* * *

 **…**

As they grew older, the three little Senju children gave everyone different kinds of headaches.

At ten years old, young Kinoe had a harder time controlling Mokuton than Hashirama ever did, and the village had been forced to get used to trees sprouting where they weren't supposed to sprout. Six-year old Maika on the other hand, seemed determined to live up to her name and had a penchant for setting things on fire. It didn't help that Madara and Izuna encouraged her pyro tendencies either. Hekishoku, the sweet little youngest, was a well-behaved child most of the time. Until something caught his attention and then he'd be sprinting off, trying his best to wiggle into trouble.

Hikaru and Hashirama loved their children. They were their ultimate triumph, the proof of their devotion to each other.

They loved Kinoe and his quiet, solemn ways. How he would take his duties as eldest so seriously, looking over Maika and Hekishoku with thoughtful eyes. Kinoe may have taken more after Hashirama in looks and talent, but it was Tobirama he took after in temperament, a fact that thoroughly pleased the white-haired Senju. Apart from his uncle Kurama (who didn't count because he was his godfather), Tobirama was Kinoe's favorite uncle, and Hikaru had lost count of the times he would find her son and brother-in-law cooped up in the library or trying an experiment together.

Maika was their fiery little girl and Hashirama wouldn't deny that he had spoiled her quite a bit. Contrary to her attitude when she was a baby, Maika adored Hashirama and loved that he doted on her. She was a temperamental little thing and had an affinity for fire that enlivened her Uchiha blood. She liked her uncle Madara best since he often trained her with her newly-awakened Sharingan, although her aunt Touka came a close second because she gave her tips on how to hit things with shuriken _._

Hekishoku was Mito's little prodigy and Izuna's tiny partner-in-crime. He was forever fascinated with his red-haired aunt's seals and he loved to be included in his uncle Izuna's pranks. He was the only one of Hikaru's children to have inherited her magic, and Hikaru was quietly preparing for the time she had to coach Hekishoku on using his magic. There was no one else in this world that could teach her son but her.

Hashirama rested his chin on Hikaru's shoulder, embracing her from behind. "I think we should have one more. Just so Heki-kun wouldn't get lonely, don't you think?"

Hikaru snorted. "Hekishoku is only four. And he has Touka and Izuna-nii's little boy to keep him company. And if he's bored he could go to Madara-nii and Tobirama-nii. We could ask them to babysit."

"But I want another one." Hashirama complained.

"We can't really afford to have another one, Hashirama. Not right now." Hikaru said, facing her husband. Immediately, the Hokage sobered at his wife's serious look and sighed.

While Hashirama hated to admit it, he knew Hikaru was right. Village skirmishes were getting more and more dangerous and foreign shinobi were getting bolder. Konoha was the most powerful village as of now due to its strong shinobi and unparalleled bloodlines, and no outsider liked that fact. No one dared to declare war on them yet, but it was only a matter of time before the one of the other so-called Great Villages viewed their power as threatening. Thus, it was quite dangerous to have another child at this state of affairs.

Thankfully, the bijuu being labeled as unobtainable made it harder for the other villages to amass strength. Hikaru's seals were still working and it was quite hilarious to hear the stories of shinobi cornering a bijuu only to have the giant chakra beasts disappear in a blink of an eye. The bijuu would also most likely fight for Hikaru's village, or at least defend it, as they still insisted that they were indebted to her.

Kurama sulking just outside Konoha wasn't just only because he liked Hi no Kuni's damp temperature. The Kyuubi was such a tsundere sometimes.

Konoha having Uzushio as its ally also made other villages wary at the thought of war. But they were testing the waters, sabotaging missions and injuring Konoha shinobi around the borders.

Hashirama was silently preparing for bloodshed. He may be a pacifist, but he knew that negotiations could only go so far.

Hikaru stroked his face in reassurance, green eyes solemn. "Whatever happens _anata,_ you'll be fine. Even if I have to call for the Shinigami to give you back to me."

And Hashirama, knowing the extent of his wife's power, just smiled and laid a kiss on Hikaru's knuckles. "I know you would. And then you'll nag me for eternity. I'll never hear the end of it."

Hikaru huffed. "You knew what you were signing with when we got married. I told you everything. You only have yourself to blame."

Hashirama laughed, kissing her eyelids. "I don't have to blame myself for anything. I don't regret anything. I'm the most blessed man in the world to have you, Hikaru." He squeezed her palm. "I love you."

"I love you too." Hikaru said, a lump of emotion caught in her throat. Hashirama smiled at her and kissed her gently, soothing his worries and burying his thoughts for another day.

The future was uncertain but they were together and they had their family. And for now that was enough.

 **Fin.**

* * *

 **A/N:** Whew. Glad I got that over with. And I told you it was crack. Don't know how that slightly angsty end snuck up.

So, children.

 **Kinoe (10)** \- 'First rank'. He's basically a kid Tenzou/Yamato in this fic, and how many of you spotted that when you first read his name? I liked the idea of Yamato being related to Hashirama that I just went with it. I didn't want to name him Kinoe at first (Tenzou means 'heavenly figure' and Yamato means 'great harmony' and I thought both names fit better) but Kinoe is a less popular name of his and it meant 'first rank' so it also fit (cause you know, being the first child and all). I know the name Kinoe was just Danzou being an unimaginative mofo in naming his ROOT operatives but eh.

 **Maika (6)** \- 'Dancing fire'. A redheaded Mikoto-like daughter. With some of Kushina's personality.

 **Hekishoku (4)** \- 'Green, emerald'. Didn't model him after anyone from canon. Just wanted a kid that takes after Hikaru.

I do have news though.

This will have a future omake. An epilogue of sorts, because I like to fuck up the timeline and see it all snowball from there. The story is technically finished, but the future omake will showcase the Naruto timeline and all the changes that was wrought on the world. *grins*

 **P.S. Sh** ** **ameless promotion though. I wrote my very first purely N**** ** ** **aruto fic. If you h****** ** ** ** ** ** ** **ave the time, p******** le****** ** ** ** **ase check it out******** ** ** ** **and tell me wh******** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **at you think, de**************** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **ar re************************ ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **aders.********************************

Read and review.

Memory out.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I bring you 11k worth of crack as an apology for months of silence. This is longer than any other chapter for this story and it got a little tedious for me but I rallied on, because for some reason it bothered me that I didn't write everything down. So please enjoy.**

 **Also, the designation can be a little confusing/irritating. Sometime I use Japanese (ex: _otou-san_ ) and sometimes I use English (ex: _father_ ). Why? Because while I believe it sounds better in Japanese, the label is more specific in English. Like you call a person _obaa-chan_ in Japanese, whereas in English what I really mean is _grandaunt,_ not grandmother or aunt _._ So yep. Please bear with it. If not, click the back button. Also, there's a veritable amount of yaoi ships here. No like, no read.**

 **Oh, and this chapter is in honor of the wonderful being that is _black. k . kat_ , as some of this chapter's pairings are inspired by her fics. Go check out her stories guys, they're amazing.**

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter or Naruto. They are owned by J.K. Rowling and Masashi Kishimoto respectively.

 **Warnings:** Canon-shattering, Fugaku-bashing (and yep, unfortunately he's the scapegoat in this fic), general crack and mayhem all around

 **Pairings:** femHarry/Hashirama, MadaTobi, MinaKushi, KakaObi, OroSaku/OroJira, and whatever pairing your brain might want to conjure

* * *

…

"We're not aging."

Madara screamed and flung a katon jutsu at the red-eyed Senju that suddenly appeared in his room. While he was undressing. Tobirama lazily doused the fireball headed his way with a weak water technique, the action ingrained after having received this kind of reaction from Madara for years already.

"SENJU! What the fuck?! Have you never heard of privacy, you sick, perverted sonofabitch—"

"There's nothing underneath there that I haven't seen before." Tobirama said pointedly and Madara glared at him before re-enacting his favorite pastime of feigning ignorance at Tobirama's words.

"What is so dire that you needed to break into my quarters in broad daylight?" Madara asks with a touch of sarcasm, pulling a yukata over his shoulder because he was a _civilized_ person who preferred to have clothes on in front of company unlike _some_ people…

Instead of rising to his bait, Tobirama's frown deepened.

"What," Madara stilled, brows furrowing at the tenseness in Tobirama's eyes. " _That_ serious?"

A distracted nod was his answer.

It was serious indeed, and after listening to Tobirama's concern without the acerbic attitude he usually displayed, Madara sighed and crossed his arms in thought.

"This has one person written all over it, don't you think?" The Uchiha head said rhetorically, and Tobirama's lips twisted into a reluctant smile, both of them eyeing each other with knowing looks.

"To Hashirama's place, then?"

"Let's."

…

Senju Hikaru laid a sleeping Hekishoku down his crib, green eyes widening at her brother and brother-in-law's question. Despite the stark contrast between them— with Madara in black and blood red and Tobirama in white and dark blue— both men had the same look on their faces; carefully blank, eyes inquiring, the set of their mouth slightly turned down in a frown.

Hikaru knew they wouldn't appreciate the comparison despite the fact that the whole village knew what was going on behind closed doors, so she hid a smile and addressed their query.

"I think I might have the answer you need." Hikaru said, nodding.

She had long since recounted her origins to her brothers, of Death and prophecies and magic. And while they felt upset and betrayed over the fact that she told Hashirama first and not to them when they were younger, they had been so very understanding of the burden she carried, and she loved them all the more for their easy acceptance.

"It has something to do with my… previous status." Hikaru said, adjusting Hekishoku's blanket when he began to fuss in his sleep. "It's nothing dangerous or permanent. It just… slows everything down."

Tobirama looked thoughtful at her answer. "I see. I thought so. It's the same with Hashirama too. And Touka and Izuna."

Madara rounded on the white-haired Senju, looking mildly scandalized. "Wait. You mean to tell me you experimented on your brother and _my_ brother and his wife too—"

"Don't be so dramatic, Uchiha. Cell sampling is hardly an experiment—"

"It's still fucking creepy; you fiddling with bits of us—"

"I'll turn _you_ into bits if you so obliged, imbecile—"

Hikaru rolled her eyes and flung another _Muffliato_ over her son's crib just in case the first one wasn't strong enough to filter out his uncles' high-pitched voices.

…

Izuna looked torn.

His face was mildly scrunched up, foot tapping erratically. He alternated between glancing at his wife and his sister, unable to grasp the fact proposed to them by Hikaru.

The others waited patiently over cups of hot tea, the sound of their children laughing in the background further grounding their choices.

Hashirama knew beforehand. And he had long since made up his mind. He would go wherever Hikaru went and if Hikaru wanted to go through lifetimes, then he would follow. Such was his love for her. It had gained him a wide, breathtaking smile from his wife and with that, there was no changing Hashirama's decision.

"And besides," he had added cheerily. "We haven't seen the rest of the world yet. I love Konoha dearly but there's just so much to see and do!"

And it was a way to look over their children and their descendants. It pained him, the thought of their children possibly dying before them, but Hashirama didn't like to think about it and Hikaru had quietly reassured that they could go forward and rest if it felt like too much.

Hashirama's shoulders had eased at her promise and he kissed her temple in gratitude.

Madara didn't take too long to think about it. He didn't have children to make him hesitate and he saw the opportunity Hikaru offered as another form of power. Even though he had mellowed down, had somehow found peace in his war-weary heart, Madara was never one to turn down power and ambition and the chance to gain more skill. So he accepted.

Tobirama followed after Madara. But for him it was more out of curiosity. He wanted to see it happening to himself and to the others, wanted to see it in fruition. And maybe he was also pleased at the idea, at the thought that he had all the opportunity in the world to amass knowledge and answers to questions that he had no chance to figure out at this day and age. It was the scientist in him talking, and since Tobirama was more logic than emotion, he accepted.

Not Izuna or Touka, though. They did not make a choice so lightly, and even now they could not give a straight answer.

"It's just… unthinkable." Izuna sighed, lacing his hands with a blank-faced Touka. "I don't really know what to say."

"I can stop it, nii-san." Hikaru said quietly, a sliver of guilt entering her. It was her fault after all. It was a subconscious power of hers, one she didn't realize she was projecting until Hashirama offhandedly mentioned that someone complimented him on his youthful, unwrinkled face despite the fact that he had more responsibilities piled on him as Hokage compared to the next ten people below him in rank.

 _Their_ faces were now lined with stress marks while Hashirama didn't look a day over thirty.

"It's fine, Hikaru-chan. Don't looks so guilty." Touka smiled in reassurance. "But I guess it now makes sense why kunoichi and even noble women keep on asking me about what cream or lotion I use on my face. They don't believe me when I say soap and water."

Tobirama snorted, and the atmosphere eased.

In the end, Izuna and Touka decided on a wait-and-see approach. They just didn't see the use of saying yes. They did not crave for more power like Madara or hungered for knowledge like Tobirama. They loved Hikaru of course, but not in the way like Hashirama's own devotion could transcend time and space. Izuna and Touka were happy and content with their lives, and unless something truly dire happened, they preferred to consume the rest of their natural days.

Everyone respected their decision. Hikaru smiled and hugged her brother and sister-in-law, turning to leave with her husband before Izuna stopped her with a question.

"What about Mito-chan?" he asked. "Doesn't she have the same, er—condition?"

Mito had married a fellow Uzu shinobi, the man slated to be the next Uzukage. She had given up her position as diplomat and settled down on the island village to support her husband, although she did try to visit as much as she could.

"Ah… No, she doesn't." Hikaru said with a shake of her head. "She's not around as often as before, and proximity seems to affect this power of mine."

"And she's Uzumaki." Touka said thoughtfully. "If there's one clan who wouldn't need a gift like yours, Hikaru-chan, it's them."

"That's right," Hikaru said, a melancholy smile touching her lips before she turned her back on them. "And she said no, anyway."

* * *

…

 _Decades later_

Namikaze Minato looked up from his mountain of paperwork as loud stomps and muffled screams echoed outside his office. The Godaime sighed and dropped his pen, wondering what kind of headache he was due for today.

"Minato!" The enraged female roar reverberated around the building.

' _Ahh…_ ' The Hokage slumped as he recognized the voice, waving a hand at his ANBU to stand down.

She won't kill him. Hopefully.

The door opened with such force that the wood almost shattered against the wall. A busty blonde-haired woman stomped inside with a fierce scowl on her face.

"Tsunade-nee." Minato sighed in greeting, offering a faint smile at his enraged cousin.

"I told you to tell your son that the hospital is off-limits!" Tsunade fumed at him, slamming her hands on his desk. Minato winced at the creak. The desk was an antique… It was their _grandfather Hashirama's_ desk… "I don't care if your brat wages a prank war at the whole village and floods the streets in orange paint; we have _patients_ in the hospital! Patients that need healing!"

"What did Naruto do this time?" Minato frowned. He specifically told his eldest to lay-off his tricks for the moment after a squad of ANBU almost broke down crying in front of him. It was practically a rite of passage for the black ops to go through a 'Naruto hunt' before being initiated.

His elite shinobi dreaded it.

Personally, Minato believed it to be some sort of ANBU hazing. He loved his son dearly but he wouldn't wish his pranks on his worst enemy.

A budding saboteur, their Naruto was. Kushina couldn't be prouder.

"He sent a bunch of letters to half of the active chunin and jounin inside the village with my signature on it," Tsunade said angrily. "For a prostate exam!"

Minato coughed violently. "Come again?"

"A prostate exam!" Tsunade screeched, shaking her fists at her fellow blonde. "I've got shinobi lining up in my office to get their asses checked, Minato!"

A guffaw broke out of the Hokage's mouth before he could stop it. "What, _really_?"

" _Minato_!"

"Sorry, Tsunade-nee." He coughed again to hide his mirth. "But I'm pretty sure this isn't Naruto's doing. No, think about it." He said when Tsunade opened her mouth to protest. "How could he have written a letter that fooled our top-tier shinobi into thinking that you wrote and signed it? Promising _fuuinjutsu_ genius or not, Naruto's forgery skills are not _that_ good. And he's _eight_ , nee-san. He still thinks girls are icky and cooties are real. He doesn't even know how babies are made, let alone…" he snorted. "What a _prostate_ is."

A muffled snicker came from the shadows. Minato idly noted to confiscate Kakashi's porn for a week.

Thankfully, Tsunade saw the logic in Minato's words before she could crack anymore antiques. She frowned, lips pursing as she crossed her arms in anger. "Well who could've done it?"

Minato shrugged, although he was a little curious as well. Konoha was home to several pranksters after all, and heaven knows every shinobi had that one little vindictive voice in their head that wanted to burn everything in sight.

And the forgery was a little concerning. If someone could easily fake the Head Medic's signature that easily, then there might be a breach in security. Although, his shinobi might just have taken the fake signature as an excuse to be personally checked-on by Tsunade… Still, that still left the question of _who_ did it…

"Maybe—"

But he wasn't able to voice out his thoughts because a blonde blur suddenly tumbled inside his office like a bowling ball, tiny body rolling around the hardwood floor and stopping just an inch behind Tsunade's high heels.

Blue eyes, whiskered cheeks, and a cheerful smile, Namikaze Naruto blinked at the ceiling before righting himself up and running to his father. "Hiya, tou-chan!"

"Naruto." Minato sighed with fondness, ruffling his son's hair. "What have you been up to now?"

"I gotta friend!"

Minato paused from patting his son's head and drew back warily. The last time Naruto had said those three words, he almost gave the visiting Kazekage and his guards a heart attack after he sidled next to Rasa's youngest and practically kidnapped the red-headed boy.

Sabaku no Gaara had proven to be a sweet child, blinking sleepily at a babbling Naruto before offering a confused smile at the Hokage's son clinging to him like a leech. Unfortunately, his overprotective siblings hadn't been as amiable. Rasa's only daughter had swung her giant fan at Naruto with a war cry and his older son had tried to tackle the blonde kidnapper.

Thakfully, Rasa had taken the children's actions with a mild headache and Konoha managed to prevent an international incident. Naruto even got a pen pal in the form of Gaara, although Minato had to stress out to his son that _no,_ _we do not kidnap future friends._

"Friend, Naruto?" Minato said with the wariness of someone holding an unstable explosive tag.

Tsunade snorted at his tone and Minato sent her a withering look.

"Shi-nii and Obi-nii are bringing him." Naruto chirped.

Oh, kami. Reinforcements. And if Obito and Shisui had to bring Naruto's 'friend' in, then it had to be bad. And if anything happened to those two…

Minato grimaced. He may be related to them, but the Uchiha wouldn't hesitate to stage a coup if anything happened to their beloved heir and spare—

A knock on the Hokage's office door resounded like the Shinigami's bell. Minato called out weakly for them to come in and almost groaned at the sight of the wickedly smirking boy gliding in between the two Uchiha.

Long, burnt red-orange hair, kohl-lined slated eyes, a fox-like smirk. The exotic-looking child was wearing a lavish yukata, red and black with the stitched silk outline of nine weaving orange flames at the back.

Nine flames that looked like _tails._

"Kura-kun!" Naruto cheered, wiggling out of Minato's hold and flinging himself onto the redhead. Obito and Shisui took the opportunity to slink away and watch the procedures in the safety of the shadows, Obito signaling a hasty salute at his sensei before leaving.

"Tou-chan! Kura-kun's my new friend!" Naruto beamed, arms still snaked around the bijuu in disguise.

Tsunade smirked, most of her anger dissipating as she watched her cousin crumple in despair.

And people wondered why she never wanted the hat.

"Only my son would present a bijuu as a friend to me." Minato muttered, slumping on his desk. He stared at the Kyuubi with despairing eyes before gathering himself enough for a greeting. "Kurama-san."

"Flaky blonde." Kurama grinned before swiveling his eyes on Tsunade. "Other blondie. How did you like my letter?"

"Letter…" Brown eyes blinked before her rage returned in full force. "It was you?! Why I oughta—"

The Kyuubi cackled before weaving away from the fist Tsunade threw at him. Before Minato could say a word, Kurama had taken Naruto with him and dropped below a window, Tsunade's enraged screams echoing after the two.

"I'm going to skin his pelt off, see how he likes it." the female sannin hissed, leaking killing intent. "I bet I can strangle that wily fox, tou-san's godfather or no—"

"With the barest amount of property damage I hope," Minato said before visibly deflating. "Rasa's missive makes much more sense now."

Tsunade raised a brow in question.

"The Kazekage sent me a letter." Minato explained. "More of a warning, really. It seems that Gaara-kun made a new friend out of a brown-haired, temperamental boy with odd black markings and possessing the Magnet Release to boot. Three guesses on who it is, and the first two don't count."

"The Ichibi Shukaku, then?" Tsunade said, hands on her hips. "Then Jiraiya's reports were true, after all. The bijuu are popping all over the villages. I didn't believe him when he told me that the Nibi and Hachibi were hanging out in Kumo. Something about a blonde kunoichi and that rapper brother of the Raikage."

"And Yagura having tea with Isobu-san." Minato said, exasperated. "I thought sensei was a little out of it for sending such a ludicrous report but now I see he wasn't lying." Then he blanched. "Oh, kami. Does this mean the Kyuubi likes Naruto? Like he was fond of grandmother Hikaru and uncle Kinoe? What if he stays inside the village? What if he appears at _dinner_? What would Kushina say?"

Tsunade snorted. "Not my problem, brat."

A whoosh of air blew through the window as the Toad Sage crouched by the window of his student's office. Jiraiya grinned at them both. "Minato. Your boy's making a mess of your face on the Hokage mountain with a redheaded brat, a pink-haired girl, Fugaku's youngest, and Hizashi's kid. The last three seemed a little reluctant though."

Minato craned his head to see his rock head image sporting glittering purple hair. He could make out the tiny dot that was his son in the distance, along with his little accomplices. Before he could issue out orders or bemoan his fate (whichever came out of his mouth first), Obito, being his most helpful, favorite student, was already dragging Kakashi and Shisui by the door.

"We'll deal with this, sensei. I'll tag Itachi-kun along to pick up his brother." Obito said cheerfully, bowing at Jiraiya and Tsunade when he passed them.

"I don't remember signing up for anything." Kakashi complained as he was pulled away by the ear.

"Neither did I." Shisui chirped out before the door closed behind them.

"Well that's that." Jiraiya said, dropping from his crouch by the window. "Hey, hime. Have you seen Orochi-teme?"

Minato turned to Tsunade. "I need to see Yondaime-sama as well, actually. I need his assistance with some diplomatic affairs regarding Nami."

Tsunade looked at the two expectant men incredulously. "Excuse me? Among the three of us, who is; one, running a spy network, and two, the head of the village? Why are you looking at me like I'm about to pull Orochimaru out of my pocket?"

"Well, you live with Yondaime-sama." Minato pointed out.

 _And he's your adopted cousin_ , went unsaid. The Nidaime Tobirama had adopted Orochimaru when the Sannin was just an orphaned toddler, probably to spite the elders nagging him into marrying for heirs. Considering Tobirama died stubbornly unmarried, the Senju clan had been all too happy to accept Orochimaru, if only to make sure that Tobirama's legacy remained.

And it paid off, considering Orochimaru was just as brilliant as his adopted father.

"He only has his stuff in his room in the Senju manor." Tsunade said, exasperated. "He doesn't live there anymore. Nawaki says he hasn't been sleeping at the manor for weeks. And stop calling him Yondaime-sama, Minato. He's not the Hokage anymore. He abdicated years ago and you grew up around the three of us, for kami's sake."

"I've always felt the need to be formal around him, especially when I took the hat." Minato said sheepishly. "And you still haven't told us if you know where he is."

"He's in Oto." Tsunade said finally, crossing her arms. "You know he takes a week away from the village every month to visit his labs. Although I still have no idea what he gets to in that depressing place. I know he built a base there but…"

Minato shrugged. He didn't understand either. After ditching the position seven years into taking office (although now he understood why due to the sheer _paperwork_ ) the Yondaime Orochimaru set up a little village in Rice Country and practically lived there now, tinkering with the experiments he had neglected during his brief stint as Hokage. Some say he set up base miles away from Konoha because the council continued to loudly complain at him for resigning from his responsibilities, but Minato thinks it may have something to do with him being fond of the cold weather there.

And being fond of heading his own village filled with crazy like-minded scientists. There was that too.

"Got it. To Oto then. Might be a little dreary but hey, I might convince him to let me warm him up." Jiraiya said with a grin.

"Too much information, sensei." Minato grimaced.

"Good luck with that, Jiraiya. As if Sakumo would let you anywhere near his lovely." Tsunade mocked.

"Prude brat. And whatever, Tsunade. I am _so_ this close to convincing Sakumo to share. Just you wait." Jiraiya vowed before disappearing with a poof of air.

Minato refused to think about his sensei's parting reply. The odd relationship Orochimaru-sama and his sensei shared was not one he wanted any elaboration on. Technically, the Snake Sannin was in mutual cohabitation with Kakashi's father (and that was another fact Minato didn't want to dwell on), but that didn't stop people from talking whenever Jiraiya chased after his teammate despite being batted away by an irate Sakumo.

It was like the rumors about Orochimaru-sama's adoptive father, the Nidaime, and Uchiha Madara all over again.

It was never proven that the two founders were together in _that_ sense, since even official history had it written that the two were often bitter adversaries. But family gossip tended to be passed on verbally, and there were too many elder Senju and Uchiha who swore up and down that Madara and Tobirama shared quarters whenever the rest of the village looked away.

Like his sensei's love life, it was something Minato didn't want to hear about either.

"I forever regret telling Jiraiya about the wonders of bisexuality." Tsunade grimaced. "Stupid pervert. How was I supposed to know he just needed that one tiny push?"

"Wait, _you_ ' _re_ the reason sensei 'discovered the same side of the fence'?" Minato glowered. "I didn't know that! And for kami's sake, _why_? I already got enough flak from women for being sensei's student when I was a kid. It even grew worse when _men_ began shooting me the same dirty looks for being associated with him!"

Tsunade snorted, unaffected by Minato's anger. She still saw him as her little baby cousin after all, for all that he was an S-rank shinobi. "I had a good reason back then, brat. Something about hoping that he'd stop perving on me. So I told him that he was missing out on half of the people of the world. Fat lot of good it did. Now the idiot's chasing after me _and_ Orochimaru. And it doesn't help that Orochimaru looks too girly for his own good." Tsunade grumbled, crossing her arms. "Anyway. I'll head back to my office and try to do something about that line of prostate exams; might try to wring Kurama's neck if I could—"

"Please don't."

"—but before I leave, how's Kushina?"

"Fine." Minato said, brightening at the mention of his wife. "Recovering, but you know her clan. Nothing keeps them down."

"I still say she should've stayed at the hospital." Tsunade said with the impatience of a healer, lips pursed. "We don't know anything about that… _thing_ that attacked her."

"It was a plant, nee-san." Minato said. "Granted, it was the zombie plant man out of our bedtime horror stories, but it was a plant nevertheless."

"Mmm… And who would've thought that grandmother Hikaru's stories were real after all?" Tsunade said in wonder. "But that's not the point! She could've caught diseases!"

"The only she caught from it was a bigger aversion to vegetables and _that_ isn't even new, considering the only greens she eats are the bamboo shoots from her ramen." Minato said, amused. "I _am_ taking precautions, however. She won't like it but she's getting a ban from outside missions. I don't care what she says, but if grandmother Hikaru's stories are really true, it only attacks seal masters. I'm not taking any chances with my wife."

Tsunade hummed in approval and left soon after, but not before opening the door for Shisui to enter. Minato dropped his pen and internally mourned that he was really not going to get any work done today.

Well, there was the _Kage Bunshin_ …

"Hokage-sama." Shisui greeted, a roughish grin on his face. "You'd be happy to know that your rock face is now glitter-free and is as fresh as newly mixed cement."

"Thank you, Shisui-kun." Minato said with a wry tone. "Although that's not really what you're here for. You used the _door_ today. Out with it."

"Well, I _was_ going to give you a reprieve, Hokage-sama, but since you asked... I need all the forms to legally name Itachi-kun as next in line for the Uchiha clan after me." Shisui said, dropping his grin and adapting a graver expression as he took the seat across Minato. "If Obito-nii's really serious about ditching heirship—and I really think he is, he's been moving his shit to Kakashi-senpai's house—then I need to name my second. I'd prefer to have someone trustworthy to lead our madhouse of a clan if I ever kick the bucket. I chose Itachi, and Obito-nii agrees."

"Itachi-kun?" Minato blinked, leaning on his chair. "Fugaku's son?"

"Hai, Hokage-sama." Shisui nodded with fervor.

"But why Itachi? I'm not questioning his capabilities but he's a slightly distant relation to be named heir." Minato asked with a frown. "After Obito and you, wouldn't the next in line be…"

Minato trailed off as he connected the dots. Then he blanched.

"Oh. Right. I can't believe I forgot." the blonde Hokage groaned, shaking his head.

Shisui grinned. "Afraid so, Godaime-sama."

* * *

…

Decades ago, there had been a ruckus within the Uchiha clan when the current head, Uchiha Madara, refused to be nagged into marrying. As he remained childless, the headship of the clan fell to his nephew, his brother Izuna's child, Itaru.

Uchiha Itaru made a splendid clan head, but he married _really_ late in life, died soon afterwards, and only had one child, Minato's student, Obito.

Now this was where it became problematic. Obito had been an airhead as a child, but he flourished on his own and was now a shinobi the Uchiha clan was proud to call its heir. Unfortunately, due to the strict and almost harsh treatment he received as a child, Obito now refused to be tied down and would often flee to the Hatake estate whenever someone mentions the word 'heir' at his ear. He still took responsibilities when he had no choice, but he was forever looking for someone to replace him, all the while hiding out at his teammate's place.

Sakumo found this amusing somehow and decided to grant Obito honorary status within his clan.

Given that Minato was sure Obito was dating Kakashi, it would only be a matter of time before things became official anyway.

But Obito ditching his duties made things difficult. The Uchiha were used to clan members skiving their responsibilities (it was rumored that Uchiha Izuna made claw marks on the floor when his elder brother tried to drag him into completing paperwork) but it still left the future leadership of the Uchiha in question.

Since Uchiha Madara was childless, Uchiha Izuna had no child other than his son Itaru, and Itaru's only son tended to use _Kamui_ just to escape his fate as clan heir, that left the descendants of Senju Hikaru as next in line.

Many would think that the Uchiha clan would never allow someone with Senju blood as their future leader, especially one descended from Senju Hashirama's line. But given that Izuna's wife, Uchiha-Senju Touka, had beaten the elders into accepting her son Itaru as clan head decades ago, it wasn't surprising that not many Uchiha protested the idea of having a part-Senju as an heir.

And since the Uchiha succession was line-dependent and not gender-biased, they would completely exhaust the descendants of the main branch before looking for other heirs, even including females to the lineup.

Now it was well-known that Senju Hashirama and Uchiha Hikaru had three children; Kinoe-sama, Maika-hime, and Hekishoku-sama. Senju Kinoe was named clan head after his father, and his line was now considered as the main family of the Senju. He had two children, Tsunade-hime and Nawaki-kun; the latter being groomed as the future Senju clan head after manifesting the fabled Mokuton at twelve.

Minato heard that Nawaki ditched his duties as often as Obito. He wondered if they were twins separated by time and space.

Since Kinoe-sama's line was jealously guarded by the Senju, being the only line that produced Mokuton, people went down another notch and looked into Senju Maika's descendants for possible heirs for the Uchiha.

Now the red-haired Senju-Uchiha _hime_ was troublesome. There were stories on how her uncles—Madara, Izuna, and Tobirama— encouraged her feisty attitude to prevent boys from getting near her, and so she had declared that she would never marry until someone had defeated her. Given that she was the strongest Katon user in the history of Konoha, with a reputation on par with her uncle Tobirama's mastery over Suiton, it was no surprise that there were plenty of bruised and burned male egos at that time.

Maika married a man named Uchiha Shinobu, a fairly distant relation despite his surname. This made her descendants viable candidates for clan headship since she married a pure Uchiha along with being one-fourth Uchiha herself.

Maika-hime only had one child however, a son she named Kagami, who in turn _also_ only had one child to his name. Uchiha Shisui.

The same child grinning at Minato cheekily right now.

This made Shisui next in line for clan head after Obito.

It should have settled the matter, but clan traditions declared that there should always be an heir and a spare. With Obito most possibly ditching clan headship to Shisui, another spare had to be found. And since Shisui was an only child like Obito, that left Maika-hime's line without any more candidates, and so people turned to look down at Senju Hikaru's youngest child, Hekishoku-sama.

Like his cousin Itaru, Senju Hekishoku married late in life and had one son. A son who had Hekishoku's green eyes and his wife's blonde hair, and who Hekishoku decided should take his wife's surname in order to allow the boy freedom from the weight of a clan.

And so, Senju Hekishoku's only child was thusly named Namikaze Minato.

* * *

…

Uchiha Obito is the Uchiha clan's wayward heir. Fact.

Uchiha Shisui is next in line if Obito elopes into the Hatake clan. Another widely-known fact.

The Hokage is _technically_ third in line to inherit according to Uchiha clan tradition. A very, very weird fact.

It was something that Shisui liked to remind people of quite often. If only to savor the blank looks and bewildered stares.

"You know, I'm only _one-eighth_ of an Uchiha. Heck, I'm even more of a Senju than an Uchiha. How am I _still_ in consideration for clan headship?" Minato grumbled. "Also, village charter states that only a person with the clan's bloodline could inherit. Since I don't have the Sharingan, I'd like to remind you that I'm very much out of the running, Shisui-kun." The green-eyed Hokage suddenly beamed at Shisui. It was an eerie smile, one that promised pain if he didn't drop the matter.

Shisui laughed nervously, fighting the urge to say that that particular clan charter didn't exist until someone helpfully pointed out that the Hokage was _technically_ a possible heir for the Uchiha clan.

The village had never seen the Hokage convene the clan heads so fast before. It was like the Hiraishin being applied to ten people.

Also, the charter wasn't strictly followed. Tsunade-hime had been the heiress of the Senju for years despite not having the Mokuton (although it was mostly due to the fucking rarity of the Shodai's bloodline). It wasn't until Nawaki gained the Mokuton at twelve did the Slug Princess gleefully dump all her clan responsibilities at her younger brother before barricading herself at the hospital.

But that wasn't the point, Shisui thought, still grinning at his uncle Minato. The point was that the Hokage _was_ third in line and _would_ be second if Obito bails and a replacement wasn't found.

"You know, I've repressed that idea already." Minato grumbled at his nephew. "Don't get me wrong, I'm proud to be related to both clans, but the Uchiha is… er…"

"Weird." Obito supplied in greeting, suddenly appearing by the open window. "Very weird."

Shisui scowled but didn't deny it.

"And intense. About several things." Minato sighed, bidding his student (who was also his cousin) to come in. "It's like you people get tunnel vision when something catches your interest. Like you with your Shunshin. And Obito with helping people. And Itachi-kun with his little brother."

Obito shrugged, not denying it.

"What does Fugaku think about this?" Minato asked, wariness evident in his voice. Obito and Shisui exchanged an amused grin and the Hokage shook his head at them.

Uchiha Fugaku was the Military Police Head. He also held quite a large amount of disdain and resentment for the Hokage.

As a child, Minato decided not to publicly reveal his blood relation to either founding clans of Konoha, keeping his identity as Senju Hekishouku's only child under wraps. It wasn't that hard to remain unknown as his father had been a wanderer and had left the village to explore the continent as a young man (Minato himself was born in Iwa, a fact not widely-known). So while everybody knew that the Shodaime had three children, not many people knew Senju Hekishoku.

Minato had been dropped off at the village the moment he was old enough to enter the Academy. Instead of staying at either the Uchiha or Senju compounds, he decided to rent his own place. Of course both clan heads that time knew who he was; his uncles Senju Kinoe and Uchiha Itaru (his father's older brother and first cousin) had welcomed him wholeheartedly, but Minato decided that he preferred the anonymity of being unrelated to any clan, finding it refreshing that he was acknowledged for who he was rather than the illustrious families he hailed from.

However, Fugaku did not appreciate his presence.

Uchiha Fugaku was descended from Uchiha Tajima's younger brother— Uchiha Madara, Izuna, and Hikaru's uncle. At that time, Fugaku was considered as a tentative heir for the Uchiha clan due to Itaru, Izuna's son and the current head, not having any children yet. Kagami, Uchiha Maika's son and Shisui's father, had been the primary heir whereas Fugaku was the spare. Village relations were tense that time and mortality was high, and thus it was highly possible that Kagami would die in a mission and leave Fugaku the sole heir to Itaru.

It left him arrogant. It didn't help that his parents pandered to the so-called superiority of the Uchiha and were smugly proud that their son could stand to inherit. There were some of their sort in every family, it was just unfortunate that Fugaku's mother and father were the kinds of people who believed that blood alone made you better.

Fugaku had looked down on Minato for his apparent lack of lineage. He often made barbed comments and underhanded insults, mostly after Minato defeated him in spars or class ranking. It infuriated the child Fugaku that someone who seemingly had no familial prestige could beat him, someone from a noble clan. Even after their graduated, he took Minato's tendency to be one step ahead of him as a personal insult.

Then the skirmishes ended. Kagami came back alive, Itaru had a son, and Minato's parentage was revealed right after he was declared a candidate for Hokage to help him win over the council easier. Fugaku did not take it well, the idea that the clanless Namikaze Minato was not only related to both the Uchiha and Senju, but had actually had more right to be named heir than him due to the fact that Minato was Uchiha Tajima's great-grandson whereas Fugaku was only his great-grandnephew.

Oh, and since Kagami came back alive and Itaru just had little Obito, that meant Fugaku was never going to be clan head.

It left him bitter and ambitious. Marrying Mikoto had softened him slightly, but he was forever antagonistic towards Minato and was harshly critical towards Obito and Shisui. He also seemed to have shoved all his ambitions towards his son Itachi, especially when the boy turned out to be a genius.

Minato frowned in distaste.

Fugaku was partly the reason why Obito hated being clan heir, as the bitter man never wasted an opportunity to sneer at Obito's weakness as a child. Fugaku felt cheated; he hated that the clumsy boy was slated to be the Uchiha head and always voiced out insults at Obito whenever Itaru's back was turned. It got worse when Itaru died, and the stress of taking over his recently deceased father while he was still grieving almost made Obito break down completely. Thankfully Kagami decided to take over temporary clan headship and Minato took over as Obito's guardian and sensei before anything drastic happened, and Obito flourished under Team Seven.

Minato was secretly satisfied at the fact that Fugaku could never shove Obito around anymore. The Uchiha clan heir was now strong enough to easily overpower Fugaku, break his neck, and shove his bloated head into _Kamui_ if his patience ever snapped.

Obito was one of the sweetest, most easy-going Uchiha in the family but you know what they say about the nice ones…

"He's giving me those snide looks again." Obito said flatly, eyes flashing his Mangekyo. "And he's all but shoving Itachi at my face. I like the kid just fine but if I get one more arrogant comment from Fugaku-teme on how his kid's Grand Fireball is bigger than mine at that age, I'm gonna feed him to my Susanoo. As if the Grand Fireball ever hits _anything_ …"

Shisui sighed, feeling aggravated as well. "You know, if grand-uncle Izuna never had uncle Itaru and grandmother Maika never had tou-san, Fugaku-teme would've been clan head. Just imagine…"

"Let's not go there." Minato grimaced. "Just… keep an eye on Fugaku. I don't want him pressuring Itachi even more than he already does. And I'm talking as a concerned family member, not as the Hokage."

Obito and Shisui gave out identical smirks. Minato was instantly wary.

"Oh, we'll keep an eye on him on right." Shisui drawled. "Don't worry, Minato-jii, we won't let Itachi-kun fold."

"Right…" the Hokage trailed off slowly, not wanting to get caught up in their antics.

An ANBU in a cat mask flashed inside the office and their attention immediately snapped into one of seriousness.

"Hokage-sama…" the ANBU said hesitantly. "Your son… just used Hiraishin?"

Minato stared. And stared some more.

"What?"

"It's… we were chasing him. Then he disappeared with a loud crack. Then he was back on Hokage mountain."

A few seconds passed. Then, the Hokage's blank face morphed into one of comical anguish just as Obito and Shisui exchanged devilish smirks.

"Great-grandma Hikaru's secret bloodline?"

"Seems like it."

"Nice." Shisui whistled.

Obito grinned whimsically. "Well, Minato-sensei has it. Hekishoku-ojii had it. Makes sense for Naruto-kun to inherit it."

"Great. Guess I just lost that bet, then."

"Man, Naruto-kun's going to have a blast with this one. Grandmother Hikaru's bloodline is so _cool._ "

"Right? I heard it can do a lot of stuff but Minato-jii just uses it to teleport around. So lame."

"I can hear you, you know." Minato said, annoyed. "And it's not teleporting, it's Hiraishin, a refined technique that makes use of grandmother's bloodline via apparition and augmented by granduncle Tobirama's stabilization seals—"

"Minato!"

Everyone blanched at the familiar dulcet tone and the shinobi instantly steered away from the Hokage's desk, just in time for Uzumaki-Namikaze Kushina to barge in the room and get a clear view of her startled husband.

"Hiya, tou-chan!" Naruto chirped from where he was tucked in at his mother's hip sideways. "Kura-kun's having a nap-nap!"

"Naruto." Minato smiled feebly. And wait… the Kyuubi was what?

"Minato! What's this I hear about that that old fart Kurama causing trouble?! And Naruto! He's popping all over the place like your Hiraishin! You know it's already bad enough with him having those swirly eyes—"

"Kushina dear, how is _that_ my fault—"

"Kashi-nii went to get a prosate somethin' from Tsuna-baa." Naruto piped up randomly, probably hoping to get out of trouble.

" _What_?!" And that was Obito. "From Tsuna-nee?! Fuck that! I know we've got a prank war going on but I draw the line at letting anyone touch his ass! See if I let him get any for _months._ Let's go, Shisui!"

"I do not want to see Kakashi-senpai's butt. Or any naked part of him actually." Shisui said in fact, but he let himself get dragged out anyway.

"Er…" Senju Nawaki popped his head at the door, a sheepish look on his face. "Is this a bad time, Minato? I kinda knocked out a red-haired kid with my Mokuton. Kinda weird really, but he's snoozing under some roots I conjured. He has a fox tail? Tails? And he sort of looks familiar too… Huh. Wait a minute. Fox tails—"

Minato thumped his head on a pile of paperwork. He really was not going to get any work done today.

* * *

…

A few hundred miles from Konoha, Senju Hikaru laughed softly as she stared at a looking glass ball, the twin to the one sitting on the Hokage's desk.

"Minato-chan's got his hands full it seems." she mused, tapping the clear glass, watching her blonde grandson's attempts at containing the chaos inside his office.

It had been Hikaru's idea to create the Hokage's all-seeing crystal ball decades ago, a whimsy creation of hers that reminded her of her of Sirius's twin communication mirrors and the fake fortune tellers from her old world. It helped them look after their descendants since they couldn't really be near them anymore.

The whole world thought them long gone after all. Merely legends and historical figures.

"What are you looking at, love?"

Hikaru smiled up at Hashirama, kissing him on the cheek before motioning at the glass ball. "Naruto-kun's got it."

"Also?" Hashirama's brows rose, smile widening. "I won that bet then. I really wasn't sure he was getting your bloodline though, considering…"

"You and your bets." Hikaru sighed exasperatedly. Her husband and brothers watched over their descendants with the same fascination housewives had with noontime drama shows on the telly.

"Madara lost." Hashirama smirked smugly.

"Of couse nii-san did." Hikaru said. "Whenever you bet on anything, he bets the opposite. It's the only way you deal with your rivalry after all these years."

"Well we can hardly blow up a mountain since the whole world thinks we're dead." Hashirama said agreeably, drawing her closer for her to sit on his lap. "Imagine the collective shocks. I mean we _could_ show ourselves—"

"No." Hikaru deadpanned, looking him in the eye. "No going out without a _henge, anata_. The last time you showed yourself, Onoki almost had a heart attack. And he went and accused Orochimaru of ghosts and voodoo during the Kage Summit _._ "

"That had been fun to watch." Hashirama chuckled, although he looked properly admonished.

Hikaru rolled her eyes. Longevity had given her husband a drier sense of humor. "I know you have fun trolling people, especially Iwa shinobi, but let's not make our grandchildren's lives harder, shall we? Orochimaru almost didn't close the treaty he wanted during that summit, you know. What would Tobirama say?"

" _Tobirama_ haunted the Raikage at his deathbed." Hashirama pointed out. " _And_ he pretended to be the Shinigami's servant escorting Kinkaku to hell. He's no better than his son."

Hikaru muffled her laugh. "He _was_ a little vindictive with that, wasn't he?"

"He was really displeased when he had to pretend to be killed off by Kumo nin." Hashirama said, playing with a strand of her hair. "Hiruzen almost wasn't ready to be Hokage."

"Are you two being disgusting again?"

The married couple looked up to see Tobirama entering the living room in casual clothing, his face twisted in a grimace at the sight of them cuddling. He then spotted the glass ball on the table and flicked a curious look at Hikaru.

"What's going on in Konoha?"

"A lot of things, much to Minato's despair." Hikaru said, getting up from her husband's lap to prepare for afternoon tea. Since Tobirama was here, Madara was surely right behind him.

"Naruto-chan got Hikaru's bloodline." Hashirama informed his brother, grinning when he took the seat opposite from him.

"Ah. Madara lost then." Tobirama hummed, a slight smirk playing on his lips. "But that's interesting. A half-Uzumaki with Hikaru's magic and that fascinating dojutsu. Minato's going gray in a few years."

"Who's got Hikaru's magic?" Madara voiced out from behind them, getting rid of his armor. There were spots of blood in his chest plate and Hashirama fought the urge to chuckle when he saw his brother's hands twitch.

Tobirama could not stand any kind of dirt. Not if he could avoid it.

"Naruto did." Hashirama answered instead, and both Senju brothers smirked when Madara swore loudly.

"Nii-san. Language." Hikaru said in greeting, a tray of tea floating beside her. "And why are you all bloodied up?"

"None of it is mine. I got rid of a few ROOT stragglers on the way here." Madara grimaced.

"More?" Hikaru said in surprise, waving her hand and setting the tea on the table. Another flash of magic and Madara was spotlessly clean. "I can't believe there's still more of them out there. Danzo only operated for a few years."

Tobirama's lip curled at the mention of his former student.

Danzo had begun going off the deep end ever since Hiruzen became Sandaime. He saw himself as some sort of twisted shadow Hokage, kidnapping children and severely brainwashing them to serve under his own army he dramatically named ROOT. He began to sabotage Hiruzen's attempts at peace and was becoming a warmonger of the gravest degree.

They had not been aware of his actions at first, being as cut off as they were from the village. It was only when Danzo attempted to force Orochimaru into ROOT did Tobirama take action, furious at the audacity that Danzo could even _think_ of targeting and controlling his adopted son.

Tobirama had personally severed Danzo's head from his body when they uncovered all the rot he was planning to do. The man had been shocked at the appearance of his supposedly dead sensei, although Tobirama didn't give him any chance to react further before swinging Raijin at his neck. Madara then burned the traitor's corpse until not even ashes remained. He was as equally furious as Tobirama was, especially after learning that Danzo had planned to incite a coup within the Uchiha to harvest their valuable eyes as if they were nothing more than animals.

Konoha still had no idea where Danzo disappeared to. The village was baying for blood themselves after groups of brainwashed children began popping out from underground, some of them too far gone to be reasoned with.

Tobirama saw it as a failing of his, that his very own student had been systematically corrupting Konoha from the inside. He took it as a personal insult, and he was doubly furious that he hadn't offed Danzo earlier. He was so enraged that Hashirama didn't dare stop him from his quest to dig through and rectify all the atrocities his traitorous student committed.

And his transgressions were many. It was shocking how deep Danzo managed to distort not only Konoha, but the whole shinobi world in the short amount of time he operated.

Collaborating with Hanzo.

Sending Konoha shinobi on suicide missions.

Leaking enough intel for Iwa and Kiri to commit attempted massacre on Uzu.

Targeting Uchiha and Senju children to induct into his twisted army.

He even dug through Hashirama's fake grave for some reason.

Fortunately, Madara and Orochimaru kept Tobirama steady during the times when self-loathing got the best of him, and he gradually calmed down after the revelation of his student's betrayal. He still tended to turn sour at any mention of Hiruzen and his generation, but he was getting better.

But running into Danzo's leftovers always put him in a bad mood. Like now.

"Orochimaru got the last of them. His minions are surprisingly good at scouring out spies. Especially that Yakushi boy." Madara said, glancing at Tobirama who was breathing through his nose.

"You know, we could take a vacation." Hikaru said tentatively, slightly worried for her brother-in-law who looked like he was tethering on the edge of his patience. Again. And no one wanted to re-experience the temper of a truly aggravated Tobirama.

"We're already on eternal vacation, love." Hashirama reminded her with slight amusement.

"Not outside the Elemental Nations, we aren't. I'd like to see what's beyond the continent." Hikaru said, silently motioning her husband towards his brother.

"That does sound like a great idea." Hashirama brightened. "And it'll also take your mind off Danzo's treachery, Tobirama—er…"

He trailed off when he saw his wife moving a finger through her neck in an abortive motion. Madara was shooting him a sour look. Oops.

Fortunately, Tobirama just looked tiredly amused. "Let's travel then. Why not?"

"We have to tell Kurama and his siblings." Hikaru looked thoughtful. "And Orochimaru-kun will not be pleased. He cannot leave the village." Tobirama's son was the only one from their family who knew they were still alive. They often used Oto as their hideout after all.

"He'll stay if he knows what's best for him." Tobirama said shortly. He turned to his brother. "Konoha?"

Hashirama nodded. "Konoha won't falter if we leave for a few years. They have the Sannin and Minato. They have several powerful clans and bloodlines at their disposal. The Uchiha and the Senju. They have Uzushio. And I believe in the Will of Fire."

Madara rolled his eyes at his best friend's sap. Even if everything he said was true, there was no need to make a speech about it. How hard was it to say a simple 'they'll be fine'?

"Travelling it is," Hikaru said brightly. "I mean, we'll only be gone for ten years or so. What's the worst that could happen while we're away?"

* * *

…

"Fire and brimstone." Madara said solemnly, stepping on blackened earth while he sealed his gunbai. "The answer to your question of 'what's the worst that could happen while we're away' is fire and brimstone, little sister. You really shouldn't have left your crystal ball behind."

"Oh, shut up Madara-nii." Hikaru scowled, turning away from her brother to face the troop of Konoha shinobi who looked like their eyes were about to bulge out of their sockets.

"Do be quiet, both of you. We're here to offer aid to our village." Tobirama said, wine red eyes roving the stunned shinobi. "Especially in light of this so-called war."

"Was it really necessary for us to show ourselves though?" Madara retorted, crossing his arms.

"Is… is that…"

"The Shodai... and the Nidaime—"

"Wha… bu—"

"We're alive!" Hashirama announced in a cheerful tone, brown eyes alight and arms wide in greeting. "Well, we never died in the first place anyway. Oh, is that little Naruto-kun over there? Hello! You're so tall now! Why it seems like it was just yesterday you were defacing Hokage mountain—"

Naruto's mouth was hanging open and he turned to look at his equally gobsmacked father before raising a hand in tentative greeting.

"Uh… hi? Shodaime-sama?"

Like a plant without sunshine, Hashirama wilted gloomily.

Hikaru laughed, green eyes twinkling at her great-grandson. "Just call him grandfather, Naruto-kun."

"O…kay?"

Orochimaru sauntered away from the stunned Konoha nin, cool as you please, closely followed by Tsunade and Jiraiya.

"Father." Orochimaru greeted and Tobirama smiled back, further giving everyone heart attacks.

"I see your teammates are not surprised by our presence." the Nidaime murmured.

Orochimaru shrugged, hair swaying elegantly. "Unfortunately they do not know the meaning of privacy. Your letters were intercepted. I had no choice but to tell them."

"I thought Orochi was going bonkers at first." Jiraiya informed cheerfully, hands folded behind his back.

"Although it certainly explained all the unnamed birthday gifts we continued to receive every year." Tsunade said, a slight smile playing on her lips as she accepted her grandfather's boisterous embrace.

"Oh!" Minato said, eyes swiveling towards an amused Hikaru. "The rune books. I thought the handwriting was familiar… so they were from you, grandmother?"

"I think I need to sit down." Nawaki said with as much dignity as he could muster.

A quick explanation later, everyone eased up slightly despite being in the presence of the four legendary figures lauded as gods. It was testament to the resilience of shinobi (and the fact that they went through weirder shit than this) that everyone managed to swallow the fact that the two founders, plus the Nidaime and the greatest Seals Mistress of Konoha, never died and had in fact, been subscribing to their lives in some convoluted form of entertainment.

Then a new group of shinobi arrived at camp and another round of shocks ensued. It didn't help that the group consisted of several Uchiha, who were now goggling at Madara and Hikaru like they were about to crawl towards them in bended knee and chant worship.

It got worse when shinobi from other villages began trickling in. The double-takes were many, as were the echoing yells of ' _Kai_!'. Hashirama tried to placate the foreigners by attempting to inform them that they never died in the first place but Madara and Tobirama shut him down, curtly informing the foreign nin that they were a result of Orochimaru's Edo Tensei.

The tightening of Hashirama's jaw minutes later indicated that he realized his error. Nobody outside Konoha should know of their pseudo-immortality. The fact that four of Konoha's founders were secretly alive under everyone's noses would create a ruckus, and no doubt some of them would easily connect the dots and conclude that there was _definitely_ a correlation between their non-deaths and Konoha's tendency to always come out on top during the past village wars.

Their presence signified a severe imbalance of power and there would be no peace if people realized that Konoha had them in the sidelines, poised to attack any threat against the village they founded. Despite the tentative truce the villages seemed to have formed under their noses in light of this war, no outsider would sweep this under the rug.

…

"You know I never would have thought that I would witness this." Hashirama said softly, looking through the shinobi hailing from various villages. All working together, the symbol for ninja etched on their hitai-ate. "How wonderful."

"Humanity naturally unites against a common enemy." Madara said, crossing his arms and surveying the crowd disdainfully. "Send them back to their villages after the war and they'll be gutting each other again in no time."

Hashirama face-faulted. "Mou, Madara. Why are you like this? Where's your sense of unity?"

Tobirama snorted. Two sides of a coin they were.

"What country are we fighting against, exactly?" Hikaru asked her other grandchildren politely, looking up from where she was happily chatting with Nawaki.

Everyone suddenly looked supremely awkward. "Er…"

"Woah!" A highly excited voice rang out behind them. "It's really true! And here I thought Sakumo-tou was pulling the other one."

"It's not like dad to lie, Obito. Although it did sound far-fetched…"

"Hn…"

They turned around to see four black-haired young men and a lone white-haired one. Hikaru immediately recognized her great-grandson Shisui and her grandnephew Obito, and the one with the mask was undoubtedly Hatake Kakashi, Sakumo's son. The youngest two of the brood were Uchihas as well, and Hikaru's eyes widened at the sight of the shorter boy's face.

"Izuna-nii?"

Madara immediately whipped his head around, inhaling sharply when his eyes landed on the boy with their late brother's face.

"Yes, we've been told the resemblance is uncanny." The long-haired Uchiha smiled faintly, bowing at the four founders. "My greetings. I am Uchiha Itachi and this is my younger brother Sasuke. It is an honor to meet you."

"Likewise," Hashirama replied for them, smiling slightly. Hikaru and Madara were still unnerved how much the broody Sasuke looked like their Izuna, duck-butt hair and all.

"Uchiha Itachi." Hikaru said, breaking her stare from Izuna's mirror image to look at the calmer young man. "Shisui-kun's heir."

"You know about that? Jeez, they really weren't kidding when they said you practically stalked us." Obito said good-naturedly, as blunt as ever.

"We're not that updated. We're about ten years behind." Madara replied stoically, observing Izuna's grandson. Obito had more of Touka in his face, more of the Senju's firm bones and roguish looks in contrast to the Uchiha's refined features.

"We observed through Hikaru's crystal ball. It can see through Konoha and beyond. The twin to the one sitting on the Hokage's desk." Tobirama elaborated when they looked blank.

"Oh!" Minato said, green eyes going wide. "So I was right after all! I knew there was some sort of seal etched on the glass. I looked it up on your tome grandmother, it looked like a variation of the Protean charm."

"That's right Minato." Hikaru was nodding indulgently. "Although a visual element was added to it for greater range, and for scrying—"

"Not to be rude, but we still have no idea who we're fighting against." Tobirama interrupted.

Everyone adapted sheepish looks again. "Uh… well, see—"

At that moment, White Zetsu clones suddenly swarmed the battlefield.

…

"Outrageous. I can't believe an Uchiha started this travesty of a war." Madara snarled, wading through the sea of enemies. "And this isn't even a proper war, it's just a bunch of overpowered brutes making enemies of everyone. Fearmongering. Terrorism. How pathetic."

Tobirama rolled his eyes, summoning a giant water dragon while he was at it. "Yes. It's not like the warring era had the same bloody system, right? How surprising that it is an Uchiha who desires to return to the old ways."

"Are you being smart on me, Senju?!"

"I would never dream of it, Uchiha."

Naruto briefly paused from fighting to stare at his bickering ancestors with no small amount of glee. "Heh… So the stories were true after all. And here I thought obaa-chan was going senile."

"Wonder how long it'll take for them to start pulling each other's hair." Itachi mused, conjuring a field's worth of fiery Amaterasu at the screaming Zetsu clones.

This was… a little too easy. They weren't even cranking out Susanoo yet.

"I give it ten minutes, tops." Shisui hummed, pulling Sasuke out of the way just in time for him to behead a clone aiming for his cousin's chest.

"I'll take that bet."

Nawaki ducked behind a Zetsu clone and stabbed eight more with his Mokuton, dragging them back to the ground in equal measure. He faced his grandmother reluctantly. "So. Um… What's up with grandfather?"

"You mean his reaction to the clones?" Hikaru replied cheerfully, flicking a wide-scale, non-verbal _Sectusempra_ at twenty of the Zetsu who screamed as their torso was flayed open. She whipped her head to look at her husband fifty meters away. Hashirama had conjured a gigantic Mokuton titan that was currently squashing the enemy under his armored foot.

"He looked like he was about to faint when he saw what we were fighting against."

Hikaru laughed. "You mean you can't feel it? These clones are heavily saturated with your grandfather's chakra, after all."

"What?" Nawaki goggled at his grandmother, summoning a large oak to push an incoming swarm away from them. "You mean the clones… They're made from grandfather's Mokuton? I mean, I know they're made of tree… _stuff,_ but I'm no sensor, and… _really_?"

"Somehow, they managed to splice and duplicate his DNA. Now you know why your grandfather looks freaked out. He feels quite violated, feeling his tainted chakra practically _everywhere._ "

They were gaining advantage over the clones when everyone felt a surge of volatile chakra being fired, and Hikaru looked at the horizon in no small amount of alarm.

"Oh dear. I know this jutsu." Hikaru said, looking back at her curious grandchildren. "Tobirama will not be pleased."

Tobirama was more than 'not pleased'. In fact, he was enraged. Also, Orochimaru joined his father in his pissed-off state after realizing what exactly transpired.

" _Edo Tensei_. I recognize the chakra signatures. They revived the dead Kage of the other villages." Tobirama gritted out. He _hated_ having his creations used against him.

"Great." Madara scowled and turned to the Snake Sannin with a chastising look. "I told you not to leave your notes scattered, now look what happened. Your father's jutsu in the hands of the enemy. You always misplaced your papers, even as a child—"

Orochimaru looked sulky, much to his teammate's amusement.

Kushina's eyes brightened as she flicked off dirt from her katana. "I didn't know Oro had a second dad."

"It's one of those things." Minato said, patting his wife's shoulder.

…

Itachi stared at the insane, ranting man with sneering distaste. Beside him, Sasuke looked just as disgusted.

Fugaku ceased to be their father the moment he abandoned the village and attempted to kill their clansmen. He ceased to be an Uchiha the moment he attempted to place the Kyuubi under a genjutsu and tried to enslave all the bijuu using his Sharingan.

"—to finish what Uchiha Madara had started! Eliminate the Senju and reign over Konoha—no, the entire shinobi world!"

"What now?" Madara said from the warfront, looking highly insulted. "What did he just say?"

"You eliminated Senju, Madara?" Hashirama inquired, eyes wide.

"This is really not the time tree head!" Madara barked. "And the only time I tried to eliminate a Senju after the warring times was to kill _you_ for debasing my sister!"

"He's using your name as a drive to his agenda." Hikaru said with narrowed eyes, staring at the crazed-eyed Uchiha.

"I'll show him drive." Madara snarled, brandishing his gunbai.

They defeated Fugaku and wiped out all the white Zetsu clones with the help of the bijuu, when for some reason, the Ten-Tails managed to reform through the scant amount of chakra Fugaku managed to collect and fuse from each of the tailed beasts.

Fortunately, not having all of the bijuu's chakra meant that the Ten-Tails had a harder time to reform and regenerate. Still, it took all of their effort to subdue the monstrosity, and by then everyone was feeling the strain of fighting non-stop.

"I just want to go home." Obito grumbled, deactivating Kamui as the Ten-Tail's giant outer shell crumbled. "Go home and sleep for a year."

"Ditto." Naruto grumbled, flexing his cramped hand. He'd been flinging one too many Rasenshuriken today, enough to mince his fingers.

Then the sky broke apart and they were hit with oppressive waves of chakra.

"Oh come, on!" Tsunade yelled, exasperated as she stomped her dainty foot, making the ground quake violently. "What now?"

The mother of all chakra, that's what.

* * *

…

"Children of the Prophecy, hm?" Tobirama said in a dry tone when they were finally back home in Oto.

"We're hardly children." Madara scowled, dropping off his armor and weapons with a loud clatter. "We're more than a hundred."

"Compared to that ancient toad, we're practically tadpoles." Hikaru said tiredly, tugging her unruly black hair free. "I mean, Gamamaru even met your original selves. That's a thousand years or so according to your spiritual father."

"He's not our father!"

"Technically, he is." Tobirama rose a brow, turning to an exhausted-looking Hashirama who had slumped on the couch and started to snooze. Tobirama thought he would never see the day that his brother would be almost drained of chakra.

It had been the shock of the century, learning the origins of their world and finding out that Madara and Hashirama were the spiritual children of the Sage of Six Paths (along with the nine bijuu). And there was Zetsu and the whole other fiasco on that Rabbit Goddess.

Tobirama wasn't sure what exactly happened; only Hashirama and Madara conversed with the Sage after getting stuck in Kaguya's portal to other dimensions. Though he and Hikaru did deal with Zetsu, with some help from a vengeful Kushina. She apparently didn't appreciate that her husband put her under house arrest because of its tendency to attack seal masters.

Kushina delivered the final blow, caging Zetsu in a seal of her own making, one that would rob him of any kind of freedom while retaining his senses within the small piece of paper. Including pain.

Kushina had cackled sadistically and tucked the seal in her pocket, declaring that she and Mikoto would be having a lot of fun with the being that pushed Fugaku on the edge.

Tobirama shuddered. Hell hath no fury than a woman scorned.

Speaking of Fugaku, he was found alive after everyone got out of the Eternal Tsukiyomi. Unfortunately for him, it was Madara who reached him first and the former Uchiha clan head had no qualms with ripping out Fugaku's eyes from his skull and burning it, calling the man a disgusting excuse of a clanless worm.

That was practically the worst insult an Uchiha could ever go through, having their precious eyes taken and being cast out by the infamous clan head their family revered.

The blind man was now underground Konoha's maximum security prison awaiting trial. Both his sons and his wife refused to see him, considering that it was he who started the whole mess.

"Indra and Asura." Hikaru smiled softly, eyes distant. She was currently sitting beside a sleeping Hashirama, stroking his long brown hair. "It's a little comforting. Knowing that you two underwent reincarnation like me, even if you don't have your memories."

Madara's eyes softened at his sister before he turned away and huffed. "Still, don't lump me in with the tree bastard."

"But now we know why you two fight like squabbling siblings." Tobirama smirked. "You _are_ squabbling siblings after all. Your lives are still connected after all these years. How precious."

Madara decided to chuck a shoe at his direction.

Hikaru laughed, darting fond green eyes at the arguing Madara and Tobirama, then to her husband sleeping on her lap. She could sense Orochimaru approaching the room along with Tsunade and Jiraiya, their chakra muted, and Hikaru's smile widened when she felt the tentative touch of power that felt uniquely of the bijuu, informing her of their presence not far behind the Sannin. Even Minato and the others also promised to visit today.

Her family was here.

And although she wasn't sure where to go after everything that happened, and indeed, a part of her now longed for rest, she could still honestly say that she loved her life wholeheartedly.

She wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

All was well.

* * *

…

 **A/N:** So. First things first. The Curse of Hatred is not prevalent in the Uchiha Clan anymore due to Hashirama and Madara breaking the cycle in their generation but it _can_ resurface *cough*Fugaku*cough*. And unless you missed it, Hashirama and Madara are the Children of the Prophecy in this story. Even in canon, the two had the potential of taking the title but Madara's hatred made that impossible. Here, there was no reason for Indra and Asura to transmigrate to Naruto and Sasuke due to Hashirama and Madara being at peace with each other. Um. Yeah.

It's not stated but Kushina is Mito's direct grandchild, making her the Uzukage's daughter.

Basically…

 **Hashirama and Hikaru's descendants:**

Kinoe- Nawaki and Tsunade

Maika-Kagami-Shisui

Hekishoku-Minato-Naruto and other siblings(?)

 **Izuna and Touka's descendants**

Itaru-Obito

Yes, Obito is Izuna and Touka's grandchild. I calculated the ages and it's entirely plausible considering that Minato is just about eleven years older than Obito (in canon). Let's say Itaru had Obito really _really_ late in life. Like, imagine a eleven-year old Fugaku thinking he's gonna be clan head and then Itaru suddenly got someone pregnant and haha, sucks for him, baby Obito on the way. And also, this is fanfic and a crack one at that so just go with it.

It may be confusing to you so I made a crude timeline of sorts to arrange the characters by their generation.

The _italics_ is the Senju head/heir, the **bold** is the Uchiha head/heir of their time.

First Gen (Warring Era)\- _Butsuma,_ **Tajima** , Minoru (Mito's dad), Haruka (fem!Harry's mom), Fugaku's unimportant ancestor

Second Gen (Konoha Founding)\- _Hashirama_ **,** **Madara,** Hikaru (fem!Harry), Tobirama, Izuna, Touka, Mito

Third Gen\- _Kinoe_ **, Itaru,** Maika, Hekishoku, Hiruzen, Danzo, Mito's kid

Fourth Gen\- _Nawaki_ , **Kagami** , **Obito,** Tsunade, Orochimaru, Jiraiya, Minato, Kushina, Fugaku, Kakashi

Fifth Gen\- **Shisui,** Itachi, Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, Hinata, Shikamaru, you get my drift

There's a lot going on in this fic and this chapter isn't even vaguely related to HP anymore, I get it. It also gets confusing I know, but welp, I'm washing my hands cause I am done with it. Tell me if you've found any errors. Ta.

 **Read and review!**

 **Memory out.**


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